part three

It was my third night in this cave I had found.
I had a faulty compass. It was the only explaination. I had followed it east for exactly 1.7 miles from the exact point they had left. Something went wrong.
Maybe I shouldn't have trusted that woman. Maybe she was protecting them.
I was starving. It was September and each hour was colder than the last. It had to have been midnight by now.
The first couple of nights, I was having visions. It could have been hallucinations from lack of sleep, but even then I held on to my superstition. Regardless, something about these were different. In them, my wife came to me. My wife had died soon after I left for the Navy. Even in death, she had a reason for everything. She told me why I was here.
She told me that I would die here, that my own evil heart led to my demise, while contributing to the greater good of future societies, and so on and so forth. If it weren't for my weakness, the world would never be strong. Just like a woman.
So was I chosen at random to accomplish this task? If so, these kids were probably chosen at random, too. I guess anyone can change the world these days.
I asked my wife to forgive me. I haven't had another vision since.
I was angry. I could feel my body failing me.
I decided to actively choose not to die. Fate is something we make for ourselves. I know taking it into my own hands was how I had got myself here, but sometimes bad things happen. It doesn't mean it was destiny. Either way, I wasn't going to just sit in this cave and wait for death to find me. If I was going to die, I would die looking for those children, the children who brought me here in the first place. If they live beyond my years, the only family I've ever known--sea-faring, dangerously strong and intensely loyal men--would never see the day they would finally be recognized and placed in the positions of power they surely deserve.
So, yeah, I would die to defend the pirate life, but that sounds a little stupid. Althought it most certainly isn't! It's a noble cause! Seriously.
So I would set out to find them in the morning. The forest was only so big. We would have to run into each other eventually. And when I finally found them, I could put a stop to this nonsense. Even if I were to perish shortly thereafter, at least they couldn't rid the evil that deserves a place in our world.
They didn't understand what they were getting themselves into. Who were they to be saviors of the planet? Evil hardly gets enough credit. People spend their whole lives praising the light and worshipping the sun, but how would we live if there was no night? Without evil, there would be no good! And in the depths of all our hearts, even in the purest and most righteous of specimens, there will always be darkness. If they were to "save the earth", surely it would be the apocalypse. The world could not go on without anger and envy, fear and revenge. The skeleton of humanity is built with strong bones of good, but they are filled with the vital marrow of evil. How could mere children rid us of something that is so firmly tucked into our mortal fabric?
I'm not a bad person simply because I choose to indulge in reality. People don't want to admit it, but everything I speak is the truth. I am just not as weak as they are. Instead of wishing someone dead, I will take the intiative to kill them. Instead of wanting something, I will take it. But I am just like everyone else, because we all want the same, sinful things, and we all think the same, impure thoughts. So why am I considered so bad just because I act on the very things the ones who persecute me struggle with? People hate those that embody the things they hate most about themselves. The ones who pursue me the hardest are the ones who relate to me the most. I'm pretty sure that scares them to death. I wonder how many people look at my scarred and burned up face and see themselves, because I can see my own eyes in many pairs that have stared me down.
I once believed in fate, but now I was coming to realize that life isn't something that is black and white. Everything changes, and nothing is determined. If I wanted the world to be a certain way, I was going to have to make it that way. I can't rely on anything but my own will and my own strength.
Because I am strong. I don't need anything but the muscles beneath my flesh and the grit between my teeth.
Soon, the fear of my circumstances dwindled. I reminded myself that I have weathered far worse and have conquered far greater. In the morning, I would do what I set out to do.