why i'm retarded

i've been trying to rid my vocabulary of profanity, but really
i am one sorry ass mother fucker.

here is the list

-i'm starting to grow very envious of happy people
-i'm starting to get angry when people can't empathize with me
-i get jealous of people who have friends
-every time my phone rings i practically piss myself
listen, i get mad:
-that people are stronger than me and can resist the things i can't resist.
-that I can't relate to God anymore
-that I can't relate to anybody
-when i go days without hearing from anyone in anyway at all.
-when people talk to me about God
-at people who are trying their best
-when people don't have to change
-when people ARE changing
-when people are doing all the things i can't, won't, or don't do.

who the hell do i think i am sometimes, man?
i am douche.
i must really be the biggest douche. i mean, this list spells it out, they are all qualities of a raging asshole.
seriously, if anyone reading this believes in God, please pray for me, because my heart is getting harder at a dangerous rate.

man.
i was supposed to go to bed like two freaking hours ago.