Boston

When I moved to Boston at 17, I was given the opportunity to make a lot of choices, and I chose wrong every time. God allowed me to live exactly how I wanted to at that time in my life without getting punished.
Well, that's not true. It was only six months, but I'm still being punished for it. I can take any given event while I lived in Massachusetts and guarantee that it will make me feel guilt, regret, embarrassment, disbelief, torment, or all of the above.
I hate that part of my life. I wish I go back in time everyday, I wish I could just highlight and delete that whole portion of my existence without creating an endless black hole of wtf? physics. But more than anything, I hate that part of myself, which is still in me somewhere, just kept under wraps (if Freud means anything to you, you'd believe that everybody suffers from this hidden id that we try to stifle until it finally comes out when we are vulnerable or losing control). I am humiliated that a person like that could have EVER been me. It creates this huge cycle of self-hate and regret every time I think about it. I can't feel okay about myself and can't find the self-esteem to motivate myself to live a better life. And now, four years later, I really just want it to be over. I want to move on, but nothing will bring me peace, I will never feel better about it, and I won't ever stop thinking about it.
My consequences didn't come right away, and those kind of consequences are the hardest. Maybe one day it won't bother me anymore, but the fact is I will never forget, and the memories won't ever go away, no matter how hard I've tried.
I don't know what spawned this, but everybody, let's just do the right thing. We know in our hearts what's right and what's wrong, but if we don't start caring about making good decisions for ourselves, we will create our own misery that will follow us for the rest of our lives, whether we realize it or not. I myself need to take my own advice. Make the RIGHT choices, do the RIGHT things, have integrity, it will give us peace of mind, security, and openness to God's will.
It's unwise to believe that we can live our lives however we want with no consequences. Don't be fooled--there are ALWAYS consequences, they just might come in an unexpected form at an unexpected time in an unexpected way, and they might not even affect us directly. But everything we do affects everyone around us, and that alone should make us want to be more conscientious about the choices we make.
Like I said, I need to take my own advice. It's something to think about, but hard to do. It's almost impossible to have the forethought, to think months or even years down the road, or to even care about ourselves and our bodies, souls, and minds. I'm not saying I can even do it, but I think I want to try.