out of my element

No life updates, no one cares about that shit, let's move on, shall we?

It's natural for me to view society with the perspective of an outsider. I watch all their interactions, and I can't relate. I don't know how to act in relationships. I am only close to my family and those who have become family over the years. Friendships seem odd and hard to manage.
It's like, I see everybody else, but I am still so separate. I don't think we've experienced the same rites of passage. I definitely don't understand relationships of any kind and can't seem to get satisfaction from them (not just romantic, obviously, but all relationships). I wonder if this feeling of being alone in the world is just the quintessential young adult experience. I mean, I AM 21, and it's true that I don't know who I am at this point, but does this really just go away with coming of age?
I guess I used to be okay before a couple of years ago. I mean, I used to be pretty sure about things like who I was and what I stood for.
For some reason, now, I find myself wanting to lose my understanding or even empathy for other people and just choose to hate them. It's like what I used to say when I was 17, about how when you lose empathy for others, you start to "grow up", and, in turn, lose touch with humanity, lose the ability to love, lose your soul, etc. etc. I used to believe our relationship with the rest of humanity was crucial to our own personal identities. I used to be able to see both sides. And I was always the defense attorney among friends, standing up for those who weren't there to defend themselves, trying to keep the shit talking to a minimum.
But I don't know now. Things change.


PS Did you know Billy Bob Thorton wrote and directed Sling Blade? I didn't, but it just further confirms my original theory that Billy Bob is fucking RETARDED.