I feel you right here almost all of the time

I feel you right here almost all of the time.
It drops to my stomach like I'm swallowing rocks
and sits in piles until I can't get out of bed.
My gut's been heavy for almost a month.
Even when I'm with you, it's never enough.
You are a lie I like to tel,l
a vision only I can interpret, I say, "It makes sense to me."
The things that I imagine seem to be the natural progression
or how it's supposed to be.
But when I put it all on paper, I realize that I'm wrong
I guess I'm falling too fast, and I'm starting to see asphalt.
Cement flies towards me, and I think it has wings
It unfolds like a bed that's been waiting for me
Warm with a lover that's redder than summer
Burns like September, and I hope October
isn't as hot as the blood on the pavement
the flowers of iron the ground's promised to me.
But it feels good to know I was wrong.
It's a relief to cough up these stones.
Maybe I'll forget that any of this happened.
Maybe I will not remember these things