Lately it's been hard to know anything true about myself from where I'm standing. I'm too blinded by my innate bias, it's hard to see myself for who I really am. I wonder when I will. I know I justify a lot of things. I'm not sure if I ever truly know the core meaning of why I do things, or, if I do, if I'll ever admit to myself what they are. Sometimes I think I get the picture and then other times I find a perception I had of myself was so totally inaccurate that it completely changes my self image. WHAT? How did I not see that I was coming off this way, or that I was making seriously ridiculous choices, or not taking something seriously enough?
I say, fuck THAT shit! It's messed up we can't even notice when we're ruining our own lives. I'm so sick and tired of being ignorant, it's not even funny. I try to be in tune with things, but at the same time I allow myself to be dissuaded and blinded, let myself be convinced so I don't have to worry about what is morally right anymore. So I stick to what I do, and I stick to what's easy.
But I have goals and dreams, and hopefully they'll break up the monotony. It's hard to see anything awesome I want to do as reality, but I just have to work with my circumstances.