I'm going to have to reactivate my Facebook again pretty soon because I realized that without it, I simply have no interactions with my peers outside of business settings. I can't wait for school to start, even though last year was harder than I thought to meet people, although I have found Monica, whom I adore. More so she found me. In that case, I vow to be more outgoing and join more clubs and etc. I'm always the hand raiser and have an insight into every topic in class, but I don't think it necessarily speaks much about who I am as a non-intellectual, i.e. a loud, comical shit-talker, as lovable and compassionate as I am brazen and opinionated. No one gets to know me as I really am. The people who do either love me to death, or they either despise me in my entirety--I can only assume I must represent things they don't like. Sure, I talk openly about how much some of the things you like suck, and I get really loud when I'm having a conversation that I like, or sometimes I just have to comment on absolutely everything that I find relatively absurd. But at the same time, I feel like this is what makes me who I am--unabashed with a complete lack of grace, yet at the same time, totally forthcoming and admitting of my downfalls, happy to be here, honest, and brimming with love to a fault.
This may seem narcissistic, but it's almost a plea for understanding. I feel disliked by people, and I really feel it's only because they don't know anyone else like me. I'm almost retarded because I'm not a part of the modern idea of how people are supposed to be. Fuck it. Fuck it alllll. The people who appreciate this mentality are my friends. The people who don't can suck it because they'll never like me.
And that's how it is.