it'll be on an episode of Snapped.
Seriously, love turns to hate pretty damn quick. The day it becomes indifference is the day I add five more years to my total years of living, as well as decreasing the possibility of prison time. Making an active effort to not care starting NOW with the only lesson AA really ever taught me...fake it til you make it, bitches.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
So happy to not be doing math right now
You left brained sonsabitches are going to die so freaking early. Think about that. Or actually, STOP thinking about everything and come smheeke a beel with me. I'm pretty sure I'm smarter high than you are because of my body's homeostasis, or whatever it is...I don't know, that's your deal. I just does what I do.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Hobbs on Love
It's funny how we base most of our lives off of romantic relationships. I don't necessarily mean our own personal relationships, but relationships we witness between others.
Well, nearly every relationship I have trusted or believed in, or really even known, doesn't exist anymore. This includes my own parents who divorced when I was six, or breaking up with the guy I thought I would marry, or the couples I have known for years and years that felt as absolute of a truth as gravity, as though if that relationship ended, the world must have to end, too.
Well, like I said, those relationships are dead, and the world isn't over yet. But it does make me feel like permanent relationships aren't real, and no one could ever truly be with someone forever.
But then when I think of some of the couples I've known who had lasted and withstood circumstance and the test of time, it makes all of the other couples I took for granted in my life seem like a joke. These couples understood the meaning of commitment, and sacrifice, and even the miserable, weak word "compromise".
Commitment doesn't mean doing everything perfect all of the time or being unwavering in loyalty (although loyalty is recommended). It means fighting to be with someone even when they aren't these things, or even when you aren't these things yourself. And sacrifice doesn't mean giving up your money or your time. It means giving up your comfort or convenience, and sometimes it means changing what's important to you. And compromise doesn't mean losing or settling for less. It means picking your battles and knowing how to fight them, admitting when you're wrong as well as being patient when you're right. It means showing someone through love instead of telling someone in anger. Or it might even mean realizing that what you'd be giving up is insignificant compared to what the one you love will gain.
This mentality doesn't occur with people who are not truly in love. I believe true love exists, but I know that it's rare. It's not this serendipitous occurrence, but something you gain. It's something you have to work for, like respect or wisdom, or anything else that is worth anything. This is what couples don't know, or don't understand, or don't want to do. And this is why love becomes this fairy tale or imagined thing that will just happen to us when we meet the person of our dreams.
Everything good is hard. Anyone who thinks this doesn't apply to love will never know what it is and most certainly doesn't deserve it.
Well, nearly every relationship I have trusted or believed in, or really even known, doesn't exist anymore. This includes my own parents who divorced when I was six, or breaking up with the guy I thought I would marry, or the couples I have known for years and years that felt as absolute of a truth as gravity, as though if that relationship ended, the world must have to end, too.
Well, like I said, those relationships are dead, and the world isn't over yet. But it does make me feel like permanent relationships aren't real, and no one could ever truly be with someone forever.
But then when I think of some of the couples I've known who had lasted and withstood circumstance and the test of time, it makes all of the other couples I took for granted in my life seem like a joke. These couples understood the meaning of commitment, and sacrifice, and even the miserable, weak word "compromise".
Commitment doesn't mean doing everything perfect all of the time or being unwavering in loyalty (although loyalty is recommended). It means fighting to be with someone even when they aren't these things, or even when you aren't these things yourself. And sacrifice doesn't mean giving up your money or your time. It means giving up your comfort or convenience, and sometimes it means changing what's important to you. And compromise doesn't mean losing or settling for less. It means picking your battles and knowing how to fight them, admitting when you're wrong as well as being patient when you're right. It means showing someone through love instead of telling someone in anger. Or it might even mean realizing that what you'd be giving up is insignificant compared to what the one you love will gain.
This mentality doesn't occur with people who are not truly in love. I believe true love exists, but I know that it's rare. It's not this serendipitous occurrence, but something you gain. It's something you have to work for, like respect or wisdom, or anything else that is worth anything. This is what couples don't know, or don't understand, or don't want to do. And this is why love becomes this fairy tale or imagined thing that will just happen to us when we meet the person of our dreams.
Everything good is hard. Anyone who thinks this doesn't apply to love will never know what it is and most certainly doesn't deserve it.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
For some reason
I really like realizing that guys I've hooked up with are super gay. Usually, this could be a considered a shitty realization, but personally, I find it a relief, and funny. A tender mix of OH MY GOD, what was I thinking, and WOW, so glad that's over. Especially when that particular person thinks he is better than everyone else. It's like, oh, okay, this is why you projected yourself so inaccurately, because you knew you sucked THE WHOLE TIME!!! INCEPTION!!!
Also, wanna know what else is really funny? When a boy's voice changes. I'm experiencing this right now. A kid who lives at my dad's apartments always used to sound like a girl, and now he doesn't. I can hear him yelling down at the pool. It's making me laugh.
Also, wanna know what else is really funny? When a boy's voice changes. I'm experiencing this right now. A kid who lives at my dad's apartments always used to sound like a girl, and now he doesn't. I can hear him yelling down at the pool. It's making me laugh.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
what is it with people
and underhanded bitchiness/subtle references to things that bother you without actually coming out and saying what's bothering you?
pretty much exactly like this blog post.
pretty much exactly like this blog post.
Monday, June 11, 2012
dudes, hey
Some things I've learned about money...
1) "The best things in life are free" usually just means that someone better than you is paying.
2) Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT money that makes the world go round, but pussy, for sure.
3) No offense, God, but even Neopets has a money tree. Just saying.
4) Black rich people are entirely more tolerable than white rich people because they aren't sterile HOARDERS with bastard heirs to multimillion dollar fortunes.
5) Shoes are fucking expensive.
Anyway, I'm drunk, and I don't understand why anyone would end a movie like The Secret World of Arietty. For. Real. Oh, SO glad to know that everything turned out okay....EXCEPT WE DON'T KNOW SHIT!
1) "The best things in life are free" usually just means that someone better than you is paying.
2) Contrary to popular belief, it is NOT money that makes the world go round, but pussy, for sure.
3) No offense, God, but even Neopets has a money tree. Just saying.
4) Black rich people are entirely more tolerable than white rich people because they aren't sterile HOARDERS with bastard heirs to multimillion dollar fortunes.
5) Shoes are fucking expensive.
Anyway, I'm drunk, and I don't understand why anyone would end a movie like The Secret World of Arietty. For. Real. Oh, SO glad to know that everything turned out okay....EXCEPT WE DON'T KNOW SHIT!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Sunday nights
I forgot how shitty they are when you actually have to work the next day.
Fortunately, HBO is coming through AGAIN with the suicide prevention, but this time in the form of vampires. I just started, and already, I'm like, oh my God, whole entire cast of True Blood. You guys are fucking ridiculous. And the day I stop imagining that Bill is singing the theme song is the day I can no longer watch True Blood, because seriously, what's the point?
And I cannot understand how some people choose to make college a continuation of high school. It's starting to make me understand why people become pretentious, Chomsky-quoting pricks. It's the only time in life where knowing too much is actually the LEAST depressing option of existence. They've all had fucking lobotomies, I swear. I was THIS CLOSE to throwing the beer pong table over.
Which I told them I was gonna do about ten times and never actually did. Lucky for them.
Fortunately, HBO is coming through AGAIN with the suicide prevention, but this time in the form of vampires. I just started, and already, I'm like, oh my God, whole entire cast of True Blood. You guys are fucking ridiculous. And the day I stop imagining that Bill is singing the theme song is the day I can no longer watch True Blood, because seriously, what's the point?
And I cannot understand how some people choose to make college a continuation of high school. It's starting to make me understand why people become pretentious, Chomsky-quoting pricks. It's the only time in life where knowing too much is actually the LEAST depressing option of existence. They've all had fucking lobotomies, I swear. I was THIS CLOSE to throwing the beer pong table over.
Which I told them I was gonna do about ten times and never actually did. Lucky for them.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
why are you the way that you are?
honestly, every time i try to do something fun and exciting, you make it...not that way.
i hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
i hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
GoT Season 2 Finale
So riddled with passion about this, I had to put it in a blog. Needless to say, if you haven't watched it yet, don't be a dumbass and read this.
a) First and foremost, fucking Daenerys coming out the cuts. This girl went from being my favorite character in the series to the biggest disappointment in my life. Making all these horrible calls and being a typical pregnant 14 year old. But now that I'm reading the book, I'm starting understand a little better that she has prophetic dreams, which explains her borderline obnoxious level of confidence behind clearly stupid decisions. I thought her going to get her dragons was dumb as shit, at first. I guess none of us really realized what a badass she is, or should I say, how powerful her dragons are. But Dany knew the whole time. That's why she was so stupid, because she had nothing to lose. I am freaking stoked, can I just say, for her to take over the realm with her freaking dragons. She is back to being on top, and she rules.
b) Second order of business...so Sam is dead, then? Not cool.
c) "I saw a man who could change his face the way the other men change their clothes." Viseryus's little whore, who is now probably being eaten alive by the "King of Qarth" in his empty safe, said this once in a not-so-sexy bath scene. Ring any bells? Yeah, Jaqen, I'm talking about you. So, that's clear, the assassin is an aforementioned face-changing man, if not the same one, which is awesome. But it really raises so many more, and hella fucking exciting, questions.
Why do these mysterious people from Braavos keep helping Arya out? Remember Syrio the dancing master? He was certainly a clever man. Shorter than Jaqen, but we never really saw what happened to him, did we? We just had to assume he died, although I found it hard to believe that he would have been defeated by Lannister men. What if...just what if....? Wait, there's more...
The God of Death. Everyone in the realm seems to believe in the Seven, yet here we have Syrio and Jaqen, both from Braavos, who believe there is only one god, the God of Death, who must be served. And if I recall from the first season, there is a group of assassins out there that can be hired to kill anybody. Arya's relationship to people from Braavos and the God of Death is making it clear to me that she is going to end up in the free cities to train with this group of face-changing assassins. And, even better, she will be doing it to kill someone damned important. This, to me, is FREAKING AWESOME.
d) So who is this King Beyond the Wall? And who is this leader of the White Walkers on that nasty ass horse?? I can't help but want to connect the two after a couple of conversations with other theorists like myself. Is it possible that the King Beyond the Wall is a White Walker??
e) Which leads me to the Hero's Journey of Jon Snow. We can definitely see that him killing a brother of the Night's Watch and standing at the edge of the wildling camp is the freaking threshold. Jon Snow is going to become a wildling. He's going to fuck the Irish girl, and they're going to have little ginger babies. His bastard days are over, and he will no longer serve the realm, but the king beyond the wall.
f) As we can see in a very Walking Dead sort of fashion, there is most certainly a war coming. These zombies are why the wildlings are fleeing, trying to go as far South as possible, and why they burn the bodies of the dead. Sadly, I feel like the next time we see Sam will be as member of this undead army. The White Walkers aren't your run-of-the-mill zombies, though, and it doesn't look like they give two shits about brains. I think the bastard in charge wants the Iron Throne. More so, I think he USED to sit on it, and now he's coming back with a vengeance.
Shit is going down.
g) Breanna and Jamie Lannister. Oh my God, I fucking love these guys together. The look on Jamie's face when Bre killed those Starks was priceless. Or was it love? At this point, I wouldn't be surprised. I could tell Breanna might have been considering losing her virginity to that guy, but she has more sense than that.
Breanna is the coolest lady on the show at this point. "Two quick deaths". Holy shit, fucking quote of the night right there. I really hope something goes down with her, she needs to kill Jamie or someone important. I feel like the emphasis on her serving Lady Stark means something is going to go down with Lady Stark next season, and Breanna will have to hop to it, possibly die. Hopefully, Jamie fucks her before she goes.
h) Lastly, the beautiful Lady Tyrell coming out the cuts with that badassery. Joffrey doesn't even KNOW. This bitch is going to rip him a new one, and I can't wait to see how fucked the Lannisters are going to be once they're married. And Sansa isn't off the hook just yet, but I'm sure she'll figure something out, and I'm still rooting for her to aid in the downfall of the Lannisters. Use that pussy, girl, just like Cersei told you.
Lady Tyrell knows what she's got to do to be queen. Fuck a 17 year old? Awww yeahh. I mean, she looks pretty damn old compared to him, I have to say, but whatever it takes. Either way, she's got King's Landing on lock, and the Cersei/Margaery showdown couldn't come fast enough.
Wow, I'm really glad I got that off my chest. I felt like I was going to explode. Any thoughts? Let's discuss.
a) First and foremost, fucking Daenerys coming out the cuts. This girl went from being my favorite character in the series to the biggest disappointment in my life. Making all these horrible calls and being a typical pregnant 14 year old. But now that I'm reading the book, I'm starting understand a little better that she has prophetic dreams, which explains her borderline obnoxious level of confidence behind clearly stupid decisions. I thought her going to get her dragons was dumb as shit, at first. I guess none of us really realized what a badass she is, or should I say, how powerful her dragons are. But Dany knew the whole time. That's why she was so stupid, because she had nothing to lose. I am freaking stoked, can I just say, for her to take over the realm with her freaking dragons. She is back to being on top, and she rules.
b) Second order of business...so Sam is dead, then? Not cool.
c) "I saw a man who could change his face the way the other men change their clothes." Viseryus's little whore, who is now probably being eaten alive by the "King of Qarth" in his empty safe, said this once in a not-so-sexy bath scene. Ring any bells? Yeah, Jaqen, I'm talking about you. So, that's clear, the assassin is an aforementioned face-changing man, if not the same one, which is awesome. But it really raises so many more, and hella fucking exciting, questions.
Why do these mysterious people from Braavos keep helping Arya out? Remember Syrio the dancing master? He was certainly a clever man. Shorter than Jaqen, but we never really saw what happened to him, did we? We just had to assume he died, although I found it hard to believe that he would have been defeated by Lannister men. What if...just what if....? Wait, there's more...
The God of Death. Everyone in the realm seems to believe in the Seven, yet here we have Syrio and Jaqen, both from Braavos, who believe there is only one god, the God of Death, who must be served. And if I recall from the first season, there is a group of assassins out there that can be hired to kill anybody. Arya's relationship to people from Braavos and the God of Death is making it clear to me that she is going to end up in the free cities to train with this group of face-changing assassins. And, even better, she will be doing it to kill someone damned important. This, to me, is FREAKING AWESOME.
d) So who is this King Beyond the Wall? And who is this leader of the White Walkers on that nasty ass horse?? I can't help but want to connect the two after a couple of conversations with other theorists like myself. Is it possible that the King Beyond the Wall is a White Walker??
e) Which leads me to the Hero's Journey of Jon Snow. We can definitely see that him killing a brother of the Night's Watch and standing at the edge of the wildling camp is the freaking threshold. Jon Snow is going to become a wildling. He's going to fuck the Irish girl, and they're going to have little ginger babies. His bastard days are over, and he will no longer serve the realm, but the king beyond the wall.
f) As we can see in a very Walking Dead sort of fashion, there is most certainly a war coming. These zombies are why the wildlings are fleeing, trying to go as far South as possible, and why they burn the bodies of the dead. Sadly, I feel like the next time we see Sam will be as member of this undead army. The White Walkers aren't your run-of-the-mill zombies, though, and it doesn't look like they give two shits about brains. I think the bastard in charge wants the Iron Throne. More so, I think he USED to sit on it, and now he's coming back with a vengeance.
Shit is going down.
g) Breanna and Jamie Lannister. Oh my God, I fucking love these guys together. The look on Jamie's face when Bre killed those Starks was priceless. Or was it love? At this point, I wouldn't be surprised. I could tell Breanna might have been considering losing her virginity to that guy, but she has more sense than that.
Breanna is the coolest lady on the show at this point. "Two quick deaths". Holy shit, fucking quote of the night right there. I really hope something goes down with her, she needs to kill Jamie or someone important. I feel like the emphasis on her serving Lady Stark means something is going to go down with Lady Stark next season, and Breanna will have to hop to it, possibly die. Hopefully, Jamie fucks her before she goes.
h) Lastly, the beautiful Lady Tyrell coming out the cuts with that badassery. Joffrey doesn't even KNOW. This bitch is going to rip him a new one, and I can't wait to see how fucked the Lannisters are going to be once they're married. And Sansa isn't off the hook just yet, but I'm sure she'll figure something out, and I'm still rooting for her to aid in the downfall of the Lannisters. Use that pussy, girl, just like Cersei told you.
Lady Tyrell knows what she's got to do to be queen. Fuck a 17 year old? Awww yeahh. I mean, she looks pretty damn old compared to him, I have to say, but whatever it takes. Either way, she's got King's Landing on lock, and the Cersei/Margaery showdown couldn't come fast enough.
Wow, I'm really glad I got that off my chest. I felt like I was going to explode. Any thoughts? Let's discuss.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
stupid for surviving
we must have been
stupid for serving what we thought i was.
swollen behind the wall,
i watched through the hole.
i envied the horses,
and all the king's men
couldn't put me back together again.
we were meant to mess this up.
we were planning it from the start
we must have been.
we looked at ourselves and knew
we would blame the other
for why we couldn't love each other.
but i can't shake this look i saw
i've been waiting, i can wait, i will wait some more.
we must have been
stupid for serving what we thought i was.
swollen behind the wall,
i watched through the hole.
i envied the horses,
and all the king's men
couldn't put me back together again.
we were meant to mess this up.
we were planning it from the start
we must have been.
we looked at ourselves and knew
we would blame the other
for why we couldn't love each other.
but i can't shake this look i saw
i've been waiting, i can wait, i will wait some more.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
alone in this one
i won't give up, but i won't try harder
when i can be the land and still be the water.
i can crash your boat, i can stop your waves
and i can taste your salt when it's been gone for days.
and i left this place without knowing shame
but i know it now
yeah, i know it now
when i can be the land and still be the water.
i can crash your boat, i can stop your waves
and i can taste your salt when it's been gone for days.
and i left this place without knowing shame
but i know it now
yeah, i know it now
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
The pain is in the contrast
I like to sit around and think about how guys never like me and how, when I'm 43, none of this will mean anything. See, the future is a funny thing, because it takes precendence over everything, except who we really want to fuck.
I like to wonder who wants to fuck me, and why they haven't yet. I hope they don't just want me because they see me, but because they think about it because they're thinking about me. It turns out that that's a lot to hope to achieve. I don't want to say men get the best of me, but psychology is a funny thing.
By psychology, I mean the way my brain works, and how getting him to kiss me feels as good as a 4.0 grade point average, and sometimes better. I blame myself and my general lack of priorites; I have no set goals, no attempted order of things. It's rare that I feel sorry, but I know just what they mean. It's rare a man would truly love a girl that came so easy.
And when you are around, I can never feel that pretty. We're surrounded by the girls you like, and none of them look like me. I wonder if it makes them better, and if it makes them better than me. If I was small and dark and quiet, maybe you'd be more forgiving. You make it seem like you're not ready, but I know just what you mean. You'd rather have them in your life than have a life with me. It's not that I feel lonely, I've just noticed I'm alone.
So now I like to sit around and think about how you never want to kiss me, and how my job drives me crazy, and how, when I'm thirty, you'll probably be married, and I'll be glad it's not to me, but I wish that you'd propose to me so I could say no in front of everybody, and maybe then I'd feel better.
I like to wonder who wants to fuck me, and why they haven't yet. I hope they don't just want me because they see me, but because they think about it because they're thinking about me. It turns out that that's a lot to hope to achieve. I don't want to say men get the best of me, but psychology is a funny thing.
By psychology, I mean the way my brain works, and how getting him to kiss me feels as good as a 4.0 grade point average, and sometimes better. I blame myself and my general lack of priorites; I have no set goals, no attempted order of things. It's rare that I feel sorry, but I know just what they mean. It's rare a man would truly love a girl that came so easy.
And when you are around, I can never feel that pretty. We're surrounded by the girls you like, and none of them look like me. I wonder if it makes them better, and if it makes them better than me. If I was small and dark and quiet, maybe you'd be more forgiving. You make it seem like you're not ready, but I know just what you mean. You'd rather have them in your life than have a life with me. It's not that I feel lonely, I've just noticed I'm alone.
So now I like to sit around and think about how you never want to kiss me, and how my job drives me crazy, and how, when I'm thirty, you'll probably be married, and I'll be glad it's not to me, but I wish that you'd propose to me so I could say no in front of everybody, and maybe then I'd feel better.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Thank you
Thank you Sarah for letting me use your headphones.
Thank you Shock Top for your IPA.
Thank you Sylar for fixing my Fossil watch.
Thank your 4 am for not asking any questions.
Thank you Los Angeles for staying the fuuuckkk away from here.
Thank you Shock Top for your IPA.
Thank you Sylar for fixing my Fossil watch.
Thank your 4 am for not asking any questions.
Thank you Los Angeles for staying the fuuuckkk away from here.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
I realized I need to start using this blog again
or I'm going to start going crazy. There are only so many things you can post on Facebook to talk shit or get attention. Some of our "statuses" should just be converted into blogs.
It's noon, and I think I'm ready for my beers. I'm going to play Skyrim until Jesse gets home, and then I will go to my own home where I belong.
Insecurity is strange because it comes and goes a lot. It isn't always this constant state of mind. And it changes from situation to situation, obviously. But what's strange is how the people who are supposed to love you make you feel the most self-conscious about everything. I miss my friends and the people who appreciate my dark side and soft spots. Contrary to popular belief, there are people out there who believe in me. Now I just have to work on making myself one of those people.
Because the truth is, I don't need you. It just feels like I do.
It's noon, and I think I'm ready for my beers. I'm going to play Skyrim until Jesse gets home, and then I will go to my own home where I belong.
Insecurity is strange because it comes and goes a lot. It isn't always this constant state of mind. And it changes from situation to situation, obviously. But what's strange is how the people who are supposed to love you make you feel the most self-conscious about everything. I miss my friends and the people who appreciate my dark side and soft spots. Contrary to popular belief, there are people out there who believe in me. Now I just have to work on making myself one of those people.
Because the truth is, I don't need you. It just feels like I do.
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