it's been a long week

my brain doesn't feel like an organ anymore but like a mass of tissue taking up space in my head. i'm happy to have tomorrow off.

some things...
1) people will usually do things you expect them to do, but turns out, not really. people come out the cuts with some shit that is either too normal or too crazy to be considered as anything someone would USUALLY do. lesson? don't expect anything from anyone because often times, they'll do the exact opposite.
2) acoustic guitar playing. it's time for me to move on up.
3) the ohlone college newspaper (the moniter) is the worst.
4) also, it's a big world out there. if you can't go anywhere, at least allow someone to teach you about it.

it's horrible how much we all compare ourselves to others, and i can't help but feel like i will never be good enough for anybody with all the other, more beautiful and less bitchy options that they have.

self-loathinggggg

oh and if anyone was curious

the person checking all the "lame" boxes is my ex boyfriend. because there's no way my blogs could ACTUALLY be considered lame by someone who DOESN'T hate me.

i love facebook statuses that say things like, " i just want to end it all."
keep `em coming!

i deserve a different point of view.
i deserve to never have to think about you.
i reserve the right to live a lie.
i deserve to get a chance to make you cry.

things that feel real usually aren't
the things i second guess are the things i should believe in.

i like to do things the hard way, and i notice the less people i have in my life, the happier i am.

soo...

are marriage proposals how guys spit game now? so unconventional, but just as unfortunate.
for future reference: if all you're trying to do is fuck me, it's completely unneccessary to pull out the big guns, such as "love" or "marriage", or even "i really like you". save it, for reals. i'd rather be a whore than waste precious time that i'll never get back thinking that someone might actually be down with "me" as a "person".
so, how stupid am i? if i have to ask, i'll never know.