And all the "friends" that I do have find me entirely expendable.
I hate this town SO MUCH, but the only person I can take it out on is myself. I need to stop caring about other people because all it has done is make me weak and stupid. Whenever I think I might be worth the effort, I am reminded harshly that next to nobody feels the same.
However, I am hoping soon that I will get a life. If I have to spend another 24 hours sitting around at home, I really think I'm going to blowtorch my fat ugly Jewish face off.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
9 yo Power Trip
In fourth grade, my teacher made us keep journals that she would collect and read once a week. This is an entry from said journal.
Math is a lot easier for me. I'm glad. Last night I wasn't crying. I like it! I think I'm weird. What's your favorite kind of gummy bears? I have a boyfriend. His name begins with an A...try guessing. Pleeeaaasseee WHO DID YOU VOTE FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jane Harmon, I hope. But probably Gray Davis. Who would name their son Gray? Ew, it's so, so morbid. Not morbid, but spooky, or wolf like. I am now officially nine and a half. It feels great to be a half older than I really am. I should send out invitations! I'm older than most fellow nine year olds. All nine and a half year olds (and Stephanie) come join me, and we can rule over fourth grade TOGETHER!!!!! It's that day. At three o clock this morning I was nine and a half. And a few months later, my glory will come! At exactly three o clock ..on August 10th, I will take over my sister, because I will be ten, and since I was lucky enough to be born first, I will always take over her!
Math is a lot easier for me. I'm glad. Last night I wasn't crying. I like it! I think I'm weird. What's your favorite kind of gummy bears? I have a boyfriend. His name begins with an A...try guessing. Pleeeaaasseee WHO DID YOU VOTE FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jane Harmon, I hope. But probably Gray Davis. Who would name their son Gray? Ew, it's so, so morbid. Not morbid, but spooky, or wolf like. I am now officially nine and a half. It feels great to be a half older than I really am. I should send out invitations! I'm older than most fellow nine year olds. All nine and a half year olds (and Stephanie) come join me, and we can rule over fourth grade TOGETHER!!!!! It's that day. At three o clock this morning I was nine and a half. And a few months later, my glory will come! At exactly three o clock ..on August 10th, I will take over my sister, because I will be ten, and since I was lucky enough to be born first, I will always take over her!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Mustache of the Week
I'm starting a new a segment called Mustache of the Week. It's a really good idea.
This week I'm featuring Salvador Dali's mustache. Get down on this shit:
And if you don't know who Salvador Dali is, you need to do some serious research, or visit the Dali Museum in Tampa, Florida aka, PLEASE TAKE ME!!
This week I'm featuring Salvador Dali's mustache. Get down on this shit:
And if you don't know who Salvador Dali is, you need to do some serious research, or visit the Dali Museum in Tampa, Florida aka, PLEASE TAKE ME!!
I must have fallen asleep because I woke up somewhere different
When I opened my eyes I saw bright white walls shining with hand painted oil from my palms and the soles of a man who feels harder than the rain, but softer than the pain that sinks into my hips when his rough fingertips
search my whole body to discover the bone.
He also feels like too much sun and makes my pupils dilate and red spread underneath my skin until my limbs are fresh with heat, and my heart stops keeping beat as it slows, sinks, and swells, to the dismay of my cells
who come in the millions, and yet feel quite alone.
My head hangs on my spine like a broken streetlight
while my skirt is flying upward like your wanton kite
I want to be the one girl that you want to treat right
and not just in case you might get cold at night.
There are days when the sky is the film in my eyes, and it's hard to believe that the world isn't changing when my heart is expanding every day. But sometimes these feelings, they only can taunt me, when I can't imagine the reasons you want me, and the way that I feel is too good to be real
so this must be a dream that we've made.
And for those two weeks, I was tobacco free. Now your lungs are expanding, and your muscles stretch beneath me, and your soul drips like water onto a fever as my head becomes bright and increasingly warm, but before the words I choke on finally form, you have figured it out, and now love kills all doubt.
You know what I am, and you still aren't afraid.
search my whole body to discover the bone.
He also feels like too much sun and makes my pupils dilate and red spread underneath my skin until my limbs are fresh with heat, and my heart stops keeping beat as it slows, sinks, and swells, to the dismay of my cells
who come in the millions, and yet feel quite alone.
My head hangs on my spine like a broken streetlight
while my skirt is flying upward like your wanton kite
I want to be the one girl that you want to treat right
and not just in case you might get cold at night.
There are days when the sky is the film in my eyes, and it's hard to believe that the world isn't changing when my heart is expanding every day. But sometimes these feelings, they only can taunt me, when I can't imagine the reasons you want me, and the way that I feel is too good to be real
so this must be a dream that we've made.
And for those two weeks, I was tobacco free. Now your lungs are expanding, and your muscles stretch beneath me, and your soul drips like water onto a fever as my head becomes bright and increasingly warm, but before the words I choke on finally form, you have figured it out, and now love kills all doubt.
You know what I am, and you still aren't afraid.
BOYFRIEND UPDATE
Jesse has won me two stuffed animals, TWO that's right, so far!
=D is the emoticon closest to what I feel, but there aren't really enough sufficient options.
=D is the emoticon closest to what I feel, but there aren't really enough sufficient options.
Friday, March 20, 2009
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS
So I was just looking into some awesome stuff, and it seems that there are going to be TWO Deathly Hallows movies, meaning they are splitting it up. Which is awesome because that means I have about three more years to look forward to Harry Potter related things before the time comes that I'm just gonna have to let it go.
Anyways, that's not all.
THERE'S PICTURES! Mostly of Harry walking in a forest, but this still excites me.
As you can see, Harry's looking a little bit different. He kind of reminds me of my friend John Wu when he was bigger and his hair was different.
Anyways, good news. And, as you can see, the countdown for the Half Blood Prince is dwindling everyday.
Anyways, that's not all.
THERE'S PICTURES! Mostly of Harry walking in a forest, but this still excites me.
As you can see, Harry's looking a little bit different. He kind of reminds me of my friend John Wu when he was bigger and his hair was different.
Anyways, good news. And, as you can see, the countdown for the Half Blood Prince is dwindling everyday.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
part of me knew what i was getting myself into as soon as i stepped foot onto red persian carpet and the way my hands stuck to the railings and linoleum white walls. the door was double locked, and it also had a bolt no getting out and no coming in third floor sliding glass door didn't seem worth the risk. i watched the bed spread out and this television show used to play when i would get ready for school. and i can't connect the events although i look over both, unfeeling, and i see what i'm doing with no complaints, and seeing that this life is the same, but how could these two lives be the same? i saw the carpet was like sand and my knees burned against them. i ran my tongue along the glass that i shortly filled with brandy and the bathroom held me the bathroom watched me i left myself when i left the bathroom because i needed a moment alone, because the way my face looked was going to make it difficult.
was i supposed to blame someone else so i could deal with this, so i could understand why i was doing this? because two hours went by and i saw how something like this could ruin someone. i waited for a long time to get what i thought i deserved. well im not going to run from the truth, i just won't acknowledge its existence. it's not that i'm afraid it's just a waste of time. whats the point when i'm just going to end up back where i started from? nothing ever works out the way you pay for it to, but i deserved the worst that i got.
was i supposed to blame someone else so i could deal with this, so i could understand why i was doing this? because two hours went by and i saw how something like this could ruin someone. i waited for a long time to get what i thought i deserved. well im not going to run from the truth, i just won't acknowledge its existence. it's not that i'm afraid it's just a waste of time. whats the point when i'm just going to end up back where i started from? nothing ever works out the way you pay for it to, but i deserved the worst that i got.
UPDATE
I am
...feeling tired every afternoon when I wake up.
...continuing to have dreams about California.
...wondering why people can't just say what they mean.
...wishing everyone was a little more patient.
...watching Even Stevens.
...walking on eggshells.
...feeling tired every afternoon when I wake up.
...continuing to have dreams about California.
...wondering why people can't just say what they mean.
...wishing everyone was a little more patient.
...watching Even Stevens.
...walking on eggshells.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I just bought
THIS!
Limited edition autographed version.
Total waste of money, but I'm a shameless Broken Social Scene loserfreak, and I would buy anything they autographed for fifty dollars. Even an orange peel, or my forehead.
And it doesn't even come out until May 16th, and I'm all excited about it and shit. It has, like, one hundred and fifty personal photos!!!!!!!!11111
Limited edition autographed version.
Total waste of money, but I'm a shameless Broken Social Scene loserfreak, and I would buy anything they autographed for fifty dollars. Even an orange peel, or my forehead.
And it doesn't even come out until May 16th, and I'm all excited about it and shit. It has, like, one hundred and fifty personal photos!!!!!!!!11111
Monday, March 16, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
BTW it is another one of those days
where I really hate my life and wish I'd never been born!!!!!!!1
AHHHH the years go fast and the days go so slow
AHHHH the years go fast and the days go so slow
PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE
RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU HAVE A SEXY BOYFRIEND
In other news, I could really go for some steak and shake, so that's where I'll be. You know, in all of my years, I had never even heard of one, let alone ate there. So there are small miracles in Florida that I'm discovering every day.
Like how it's almost ninety degrees out right now although it will probably be like, forty tonight.
In other news, I could really go for some steak and shake, so that's where I'll be. You know, in all of my years, I had never even heard of one, let alone ate there. So there are small miracles in Florida that I'm discovering every day.
Like how it's almost ninety degrees out right now although it will probably be like, forty tonight.
Friday, March 13, 2009
The Hazards of Love
I don't know if anyone has heard the new album by The Decemberists called The Hazards of Love but it's really good.
HERE'S A SONG:
HERE'S A SONG:
HAPPY DOUBLE FRIDAY THE 13TH
HEY GUYS
A couple of things
1. As you probably know, it's Friday the 13th again, which I'm going to get my hopes up about and think that it's an apocalyptic sign. Life as we know it is slowly coming to a close.
2. As you can see, I have a new question of the day up, in relation to the Jeff Corwin entry.
3. In other news:
courtesy of dlisted
A couple of things
1. As you probably know, it's Friday the 13th again, which I'm going to get my hopes up about and think that it's an apocalyptic sign. Life as we know it is slowly coming to a close.
2. As you can see, I have a new question of the day up, in relation to the Jeff Corwin entry.
3. In other news:
courtesy of dlisted
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Quote of the Day
"I can't believe they're still playing commercials after that [really long] commercial!"
Serious insight from Sarah.
Jeff Corwin is either
a) an asshole,
b) smoking pcp, payote, or weed at all times,
c) schizophrenic, or
d) all of the above.
Jeff Corwin definitely thinks he's better than all of the locals he deals with in the third world countries, and he's obviously disgusted by them. Jeff Corwin also talks a lot of smack for a little beetch. Jeff Corwin is petrified of most of the animals he sees. Jeff Corwin runs away a lot and makes the local minorities deal with the reptiles. So that makes me think it's option A.
But then Jeff Corwin is always sweaty and his eyes are bulging out of his head. Jeff Corwin makes strange noises and talks in crazy voices. Jeff Corwin is often paranoid. Jeff Corwin personifies most of the animals or plants and talks to lots of inanimate objects, and just your general displays of trippin. That could be either B or C. But then you listen to the music, and it's the craziest music on the planet, so it makes me think it's B. While it's playing, Jeff Corwin's freaking out at this lizard, "LOOK at him!!!! He's boogadee boogiting BY!!!!" and acting like Charles Manson.
So definitely all of the above.
Thank GOODNESS Steve Irwin is on next!!!!
He owns Jeff Corwin in every way. In this episode, he finds an alligator over her eggs or something so she's in a trance! When Steve has to leave, he says says, "Ooohh, I love you, sweetheart..." and gives her a big kiss!
YES! YES! YES!
Serious insight from Sarah.
Jeff Corwin is either
a) an asshole,
b) smoking pcp, payote, or weed at all times,
c) schizophrenic, or
d) all of the above.
Jeff Corwin definitely thinks he's better than all of the locals he deals with in the third world countries, and he's obviously disgusted by them. Jeff Corwin also talks a lot of smack for a little beetch. Jeff Corwin is petrified of most of the animals he sees. Jeff Corwin runs away a lot and makes the local minorities deal with the reptiles. So that makes me think it's option A.
But then Jeff Corwin is always sweaty and his eyes are bulging out of his head. Jeff Corwin makes strange noises and talks in crazy voices. Jeff Corwin is often paranoid. Jeff Corwin personifies most of the animals or plants and talks to lots of inanimate objects, and just your general displays of trippin. That could be either B or C. But then you listen to the music, and it's the craziest music on the planet, so it makes me think it's B. While it's playing, Jeff Corwin's freaking out at this lizard, "LOOK at him!!!! He's boogadee boogiting BY!!!!" and acting like Charles Manson.
So definitely all of the above.
Thank GOODNESS Steve Irwin is on next!!!!
He owns Jeff Corwin in every way. In this episode, he finds an alligator over her eggs or something so she's in a trance! When Steve has to leave, he says says, "Ooohh, I love you, sweetheart..." and gives her a big kiss!
YES! YES! YES!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Hernando County Arrests !!!!! March 9th !!!!!
I haven't done this lately so I'm excited!
Elizabeth C. Branson! Up to your old tricks, I see...grand theft and another scheme to obtain property!
lol
Now, he's in there for domestic battery. I know he looks scrawny, but he also looks crazy. I wouldn't want to piss him off EVER.
And this woman, already in jail, was caught trafficking drugs, and, obviously, being in possession of contraband. I hope she isn't somebody's mother!
Oh, and be on the look-out. This guy was arrested for a sex offender violation around Spring Hill Drive:
Wow. Maybe try NOT to look like a perv.
Elizabeth C. Branson! Up to your old tricks, I see...grand theft and another scheme to obtain property!
lol
Now, he's in there for domestic battery. I know he looks scrawny, but he also looks crazy. I wouldn't want to piss him off EVER.
And this woman, already in jail, was caught trafficking drugs, and, obviously, being in possession of contraband. I hope she isn't somebody's mother!
Oh, and be on the look-out. This guy was arrested for a sex offender violation around Spring Hill Drive:
Wow. Maybe try NOT to look like a perv.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Half Blood Prince Countdown
You'll be happy to know, or maybe you won't care, that I've added a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince countdown to my blog. As you can see, we have 129 days left.
I was watching an awesome behind the scenes preview today. I was so excited, my eyes were watering. I felt like Nutty Madam
I was watching an awesome behind the scenes preview today. I was so excited, my eyes were watering. I felt like Nutty Madam
indestructable
In other news, why am I drinking caffeinated soda at three o clock in the morning??
Perhaps Ken can explain a few things about how machines don't need to sleep.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
i don't know
what the hell is going on things are looking crazy and i can't tell what anyone is thinking anymore.
cue beethoven's fifth symphony.
cue beethoven's fifth symphony.
My Town
Well, thanks to Google Earth, I can give those who don't know street view tour of my town. Let's not get too excited for this beautiful tour of Anna's spots and shit.
Alright first off, that's my old house. And, yes, that would have possibly been my Corolla except we've sold it.
This is my street:
This is my store:
These are my hills;
This was my park:
This was my high school:
lol cool
Alright first off, that's my old house. And, yes, that would have possibly been my Corolla except we've sold it.
This is my street:
This is my store:
These are my hills;
This was my park:
This was my high school:
lol cool
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Back 2 Skewl
Plaid dress for four square competitions, skinny belt to tie my books together, and high heeled Mary Janes so I can win tetherball.
I hope things continue to change
It's hard to go on when I keep saying the same things. It's a lot more dangerous to speak with a tongue that has been weighted down with words said with unapologetic anger that isn't as uncommon as you may think. I'm not as mad as I seem, or I am angry all of the time. I can't really tell. I'm aware, however, that there is something that is not being filled.
I can understand how my heart could be mistaken for a body of water. The further you walk, the harder it is to see your feet. You move your toes into the ground because you know that it's there, even if nobody else does. But by the time the calves are no longer visible, people lose their nerve. No one has the lung capacity to just hold their breath and sink.
I've thought about it a lot lately, thinking about how maybe I should get ready to turn back. I swear, after this pack, it's over, after this bag, I'm done. But it never turns out being that easy. I like to say that I can't help it, but it's really just that I don't want to be able to help it. I want it to control me so then I can have a hearty and reasonable excuse. How can I fight what I cannot fight? This way, it's easier for me to ignore what I already know. This way, no one can hold this knowledge against me. I like to think that i can't do anything. I like to think that something bad is going to happen. I like to think about what I would do and the things I could say and the people I would have to call and the tears I could form, and would they be smooth or rough like they get sometimes? But I don't know about crying. It shakes my chest, or it ruins my dress. And it's despicable, really, or at least, that's how I feel after I let my emotions get the best of me.
I also know that I definitely cannot stay here forever. I don't even remember getting here in the first place. I know there was plane, a vomiting air ride and a bathroom or two. My eyes were like stones, but I couldn't help that. I'm not really sure which foot I put first through which door, but it certainly brought me here. To this bedroom to this state to this dining room table to this sand. Since I got here, my heart is going on like some sort of clock without an alarm, and it's constantly reminding me not to get comfortable, because I've got to move on and I've got to get out. I need to go somewhere that leaves me with no doubt, and if this wall won't come down I guess I will tear it apart myself.
I can understand how my heart could be mistaken for a body of water. The further you walk, the harder it is to see your feet. You move your toes into the ground because you know that it's there, even if nobody else does. But by the time the calves are no longer visible, people lose their nerve. No one has the lung capacity to just hold their breath and sink.
I've thought about it a lot lately, thinking about how maybe I should get ready to turn back. I swear, after this pack, it's over, after this bag, I'm done. But it never turns out being that easy. I like to say that I can't help it, but it's really just that I don't want to be able to help it. I want it to control me so then I can have a hearty and reasonable excuse. How can I fight what I cannot fight? This way, it's easier for me to ignore what I already know. This way, no one can hold this knowledge against me. I like to think that i can't do anything. I like to think that something bad is going to happen. I like to think about what I would do and the things I could say and the people I would have to call and the tears I could form, and would they be smooth or rough like they get sometimes? But I don't know about crying. It shakes my chest, or it ruins my dress. And it's despicable, really, or at least, that's how I feel after I let my emotions get the best of me.
I also know that I definitely cannot stay here forever. I don't even remember getting here in the first place. I know there was plane, a vomiting air ride and a bathroom or two. My eyes were like stones, but I couldn't help that. I'm not really sure which foot I put first through which door, but it certainly brought me here. To this bedroom to this state to this dining room table to this sand. Since I got here, my heart is going on like some sort of clock without an alarm, and it's constantly reminding me not to get comfortable, because I've got to move on and I've got to get out. I need to go somewhere that leaves me with no doubt, and if this wall won't come down I guess I will tear it apart myself.
my apologies
I've been writing again lately but I don't think I can post any of it. Every time I post anything, I read it later and realize I'm being a little too open with you people, you people who don't even appreciate let alone know what I'm talking about.
Yesterday, however, Jesse and I wrote some Madlibs, and I think it's going to be a great career path. Better than being a journalist, or a computer technician.
Some other things:
1) Music has failed. I think I'm straight off that shit for a while, nothing I do make or sing is sounding good to me anymore. My guitar is a mess anyway. And in these hard times, my family could really use the firewood.
2) I am going back to school sometime soon, hopefully March, I'm praying anyway. So I'm thinking some plaid jumpers, knee-high socks, and patent leather Mary Jane's are in order. I also could use a leather belt to tie my books together.
3) My prayers have been coming true, by the way! To all you naysayers.
4) Speaking of answered prayers, I'm getting unemployment money after my b-word boss tried to appeal it, which is awesome, because I need to buy textbooks and three ringed binders and highlighters and shit. And some new back to school clothes!!111
5) Honestly I'm trying really hard to keep a cultured blog, but I'm way too self-absorbed.
Yesterday, however, Jesse and I wrote some Madlibs, and I think it's going to be a great career path. Better than being a journalist, or a computer technician.
Some other things:
1) Music has failed. I think I'm straight off that shit for a while, nothing I do make or sing is sounding good to me anymore. My guitar is a mess anyway. And in these hard times, my family could really use the firewood.
2) I am going back to school sometime soon, hopefully March, I'm praying anyway. So I'm thinking some plaid jumpers, knee-high socks, and patent leather Mary Jane's are in order. I also could use a leather belt to tie my books together.
3) My prayers have been coming true, by the way! To all you naysayers.
4) Speaking of answered prayers, I'm getting unemployment money after my b-word boss tried to appeal it, which is awesome, because I need to buy textbooks and three ringed binders and highlighters and shit. And some new back to school clothes!!111
5) Honestly I'm trying really hard to keep a cultured blog, but I'm way too self-absorbed.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Hogue Brothers
Harlan and Waylon Hogue seriously need to get SLAPPED! I'm offering a fine price for anyone who wants to do it for me. I'd do it myself, but they'd probably be able to kill me, and I'd disappear forever. Which would be worse for me than for you, but I'm just saying.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Obama to rescind Bush abortion rule
President Barack Obama wants to rescind a Bush administration rule that strengthened job protections for doctors and nurses who refuse for moral reasons to perform abortions.
Who wants to give me a ride to Washington D.C. so I can protest? Isn't that violating some sort of personal right, or innate liberty, or free practice, or SOMEthing?
I think that, as far as the future goes, anyone with an old-fashioned view point will be CRUSHED BENEATH GREAT FISTS!!!!!1111
Who wants to give me a ride to Washington D.C. so I can protest? Isn't that violating some sort of personal right, or innate liberty, or free practice, or SOMEthing?
I think that, as far as the future goes, anyone with an old-fashioned view point will be CRUSHED BENEATH GREAT FISTS!!!!!1111
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
are you thinking what i'm thinking?
I think Hilary Rhoda is my favorite woman on the planet. I haven't seen her anywhere on the runway lately, and all she's doing is that Sports Illustrated nudie crap! Even though I don't think anyone's complaining about that, she still is much more high fashion to me than she's letting herself believe.
all the ladies if you feel me help me sing it out
lol don't mind my face
expect a new version at a later date.
expect a new version at a later date.
i miss
being known. and having friends.
sorry to post another whiny blog but i'm feeling a little self-deprecating at the moment.
it just sucks only having one friend, only having one person that calls you or wonders what you're doing. one is better than none, of course of course of course. but really, having no friends is getting really, really old. i just wish there was someone i could call who would be like, oh hell yeah i'll hang out with you.
it happens in my dreams sometimes, but we all know how those end.
regardless most people suck anyway, so maybe this is a hidden blessing.
sorry to post another whiny blog but i'm feeling a little self-deprecating at the moment.
it just sucks only having one friend, only having one person that calls you or wonders what you're doing. one is better than none, of course of course of course. but really, having no friends is getting really, really old. i just wish there was someone i could call who would be like, oh hell yeah i'll hang out with you.
it happens in my dreams sometimes, but we all know how those end.
regardless most people suck anyway, so maybe this is a hidden blessing.
isn't it weird
that it's March now?
Does anyone else wish that time could turn on its side and just wait for us to figure things out?
Life's tough get a helmet.
Does anyone else wish that time could turn on its side and just wait for us to figure things out?
Life's tough get a helmet.
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