24 hours ago

I like to do this thing the day after I go somewhere cool or hang out with people I like, usually when I'm stuck at work or with someone who could care less about me. I like to think every hour, "24 hours I ago, I was here/doing this..." I can't explain it, but something about doing this makes me feel better, sort of even gives me hope. It reminds me that life isn't always this shitty, boring rut I've dug myself into from years of doing nothing. If I've had awesome experiences in my past, then there's only more of them to look forward to in the future. Things aren't so bad, pretty much.
The first time I ever played the 24 hours game was when I moved to Florida for the first time. After the plane ride, I was trying to sleep in a strange bed. My parents and sister were driving on the road still, and I was alone at my aunt's house. Trying not to cry, I looked at the clock. It was 9 o clock at night, meaning 6 o clock in California. "24 hours ago, I was drinking a beer with Matt Burda." Later I told myself, "24 hours ago, I was on the balcony at Big Paul's apartment laughing with Justin Perkins and Steven Roy." Two more hours later, I thought, "24 hours ago, I was hugging Alex Day goodbye." And then "24 hours ago, I slept in my house in Cupertino for the last time." When it finally started to make me sad, I went even farther back. "48 hours ago I was at the California/Nevada state line to celebrate the new year. 48 hours ago I was sleeping in Tahoe. 48 hours ago we stopped at a restaurant on the way home, and I only had split pea soup because I had thrown up all morning." Pushing things away with the concept of time instead of distance made everything feel so much closer. Everything was different, but it was only 24 hours ago, so how different could things really be? I may have been across the country, but I was only a day away.
I didn't realize that time was more powerful than distance. It was the months that separated me, not the miles. The time I lost I'll never have back. I don't know what I blame it on.
I played when I left Florida, too. "24 hours ago, I was petting Jonah. 24 hours ago, Jesse was kissing me. 24 hours ago, I was with my mom."
The last time this happened was the day back at work after my birthday. I was staring at a cash register and thought, "24 hours ago, I was drinking a tall can on Del Mar Beach. 24 hours ago I was in a hot tub. 24 hours ago I took a nap on Roman's couch after smoking a blunt." I'm pretty sure the smile spread across my face in about a second.
Life is so much better than the things we choose to focus on, and the more we remember what we live for, the easier all the shitty things are. 24 hours ago reminds me of who I am and who I really have in my life. I'm mostly alone out here, but really, truly, I have way more than enough.

heart of a young man

We don't "earn" our lives, so why do we feel that we deserve them? Life doesn't owe us anything but the air in our lungs--for everything else, do it your damn self.

hey guys what's happening

Some things
!) We ruin our own lives, period, point blank, don't ask questions.
@) Sexual liberation is a JOKE. Every penis holds me back.
#) Mo money, less problems, less money, mo problems. People are saying it wrong.

I thought this was all over, but it's coming back worse than before.