quote of the month

"This is, first of all, why I want to commit suicide. Second of all, it's why I never want to be in relationships...there's no integrity, no beauty!"

you know what i think should happen?

more guidebooks.

like...
how not to ask stupid questions
or
how to keep your mouth shut
or
how to wear a belt
or
10 ways to at least appear considerate.

seriously, 2012. smh.

days like today

Today is a day that I felt really stupid on multiple occasions. Actually, I guess this feeling started yesterday. I think I'm a little confused on what my place is. I'm just tired of being myself and then feeling stupid for feeling comfortable enough to open up like that. Every time I do and act exactly how I want to, I regret it. If I have something I want to say that might not go over too well, I should just keep it to myself. I'm just tired of the awkwardness that follows speaking my mind, in every situation in my life.

Valentine's Day

Sometimes I try to make myself feel better about all of this by reminding myself of all the people I used to care about and don't anymore. Really, though, that makes it about ten times worse. The truth is that I don't want to stop caring, and every time that something we used to have is pushed farther and farther away, the more afraid I get. I spend so much time pushing the thought of "It's really over" out of my head.
But it's really over, and it seems like the worst thing in the world. And knowing that one day, this won't feel like the worst thing in the world is what is making this more painful. I don't want to believe there will be a day that I don't care about him anymore.
It's impossible for me to let that happen.

I miss

Steven's Creek Market and Liquor
Steak and Shake
smoking blunts without getting a sore throat
Jonah
my voice
sleeping
the stairs on McClellan
talking to you
and especially, sand in my shoes :(