i just want everything to stop and let me disappear for a while.

another good one

today was a day i had a fever.
i also have no plans for halloween, partially because i'm sick, and also because everything fell through. or the one plan i had, and then the one back up plan. oh, and then i had another back up plan, but then i didn't do that because of the very first reason i mention.

so this is my weekend and im just working and being sick.

Okay just ONE BLOG

about it and I'm done.
Don't hook up with your friend's very recently exed boyfriend. I don't care if we never talk, I don't care if I haven't been over your new house. Now, I definitely will never do those things.
My feelings are so extremely hurt right now, and no one cares because "I chose this".
Well, you're an asshole if you can write off this decision of mine so easily. It just tells me what your intentions were from the start. It's all poor Jesse, he got dumped. No one cares AT ALL about how I feel, and how maybe I'm doing the right thing for both of us, and that maybe it's the hardest thing I've ever done.
It's so disrespectful and I can't believe how little someone can care. Especially after all that bullshit about saying she was on my side, and that in the end, I'm always her friend over Jesse.
I just really don't understand why anyone would do this because in the end, it's just really very mean.

ADVICE TO ALL: Unless you want to get married, stop fucking around in your bullshit relationship. We all know you're just going to break up.

quote of the night

"Don't hate the player, hate the game."
"I DO hate you!!!"

falls into place

I would really like things to start going a little more smoothly. Life is requiring a bit too much action on my part, and I'm not used to it. I like going with the flow. I don't like having to step it up. I am all yin.

There are definitely some things that have been annoying me about people, especially guys. Now that I'm actually talking to them, I am starting to remember why I stopped.

The people you know would probably laugh if they knew.

worst blog ever

So not only does there have to be a congregation of college-aged Aryan men all hanging out in one place, but they all have to be wearing tight, white pants. DAMN YOU OHLONE BASEBALL TEAM!!!

Going to work doesn't sound too good right now. Well, maybe it does in a way, but that way is not going to make my hangover any better.

Meeting Christian was awesome. I wish we got to hang out more. I knew I would like him because my nine year old self liked his ten year old self so much. There's much more truth in who we are as kids, and when you knew a person then, you also kinda know that some of those awesome parts don't just go away.

Now to figure out how to not die tonight.

some motivation

So, when Sarah gets home, that's it. I'm actually going to make macaroni and cheese and study for art history. I might even study Spanish. I'm not going to drink anymore beer tonight. I'll watch my civil war documentary, and then when I'm done, I'm going to go to sleep. It's done. Things are changing around here.

This newborn feeling of inspiration has come from the fact that this is my 500th blog post, and I feel like it's a time when I should start getting serious about life.

Jesus Was a Badass

by Anna Hobbs

key points:

1) hella funny comebacks to the Pharisees
2) he didn't come to bring peace but a sword
3) turned into The Hulk at the temple
4) stirred things up
5) hung out with prostitutes
6) showed people who's boss
7) was so unfazed by everybody's nonsense
8) screwed around on the Sabbath
9) stayed in the desert for days and didn't even eat
10) rolled AT LEAST seven deep wherever he went


Understanding the New Testament Essay Topic? CHECK AND MATE!!

the matrix

I think that he would rather suffer anything than entertain these false notions and live in this miserable manner.

quote of the night

"it's like your computer has some sort of beatles virus."

go homo

I tried to sign into this blog and accidentally typed gohomoannakin

not the worst idea i've ever had

question

Why hasn't Andrew W.K. been nominated to run for president yet, because I told everybody that he's the only person I'm going to vote for, and if they want me to vote, he's going to have to run.
Everything would be way more terrible but in the best way. He has some really good ideas.

99 problems but a lack of problems isn't one

I woke up this morning so happy that I didn't have any alcohol withdrawal symptoms for once, and that maybe I could go about my day normally, and actually eat a full breakfast and maybe not feel so tired.
But then my hands started shaking again.

I'M THE BIGGEST LOSER ON THE BEACH.

"You really shouldn't be so self-conscious of all your status updates. There's no rules on Facebook."

yes, sarah. there are totally rules on facebook.

I can't tell if it feels good or bad to know I was never the only guilty one.

awww yeahhhh

"General Grant habitually wears an expression as if he had determined to drive his head through a brick wall, and was about to do it."

Why does this cookie from Anderson's taste like weed? They're good but they're not THAT good, so maybe it's just me.

The things I hate about myself are the things you also hate about me.

You can't even see yourself being with someone like me, so cut the shit. It's not nearly as dramatic for you as you're making it seem. It sure helps get the ladies though.

I want to write a really awesome blog right now, but I can't, I have to take a shower.

Last night was another knight of nightsd. I can't believe how much random shit happened.

Good blog. More later, and I'll get into how horrible the San Mateo bridge smells when you're in the beginning stages of a hangover. I remember when I was a kid I asked my mom once that since people always wake up with a hangover, if you didn't sleep, would you not get a hangover? The answer to that is no. My mother's answer was, That would just make it even worse.

Ding ding ding we a winner. Thanks San Mateo bridge, for smelling like all kinds of shit.

"Getting off the freeway sure makes you see how important love is."

dyke walk

So I walk exactly like Meg Ryan, or at least, how I've seen her walk in the movies she's in with Tom Hanks. She walks super dorky.

sometimes i have to fall to my knees. nothing will happen that isn't supposed to happen, so i won't continue to be so doubtful. there have been worse things, even in my life. when i think of the worst that could happen at this point or in the future, it's better than about a hundred points of my past.
faith is the simplest thing, but sometimes it is just so incomprehensible that i can't help but wonder how it can be expected of us at all. i don't know how i'm supposed to understand it fully, or trust it fully. i have so many physical senses that, despite what i know, everything is muddled. sometimes it's so good that it's painful, and i'm really happy that they exist. sometimes, i feel that if i didn't have faith, maybe things would be more simple, and decisions wouldn't always carry this weight of spirit, or depth of soul. sometimes i just don't want to know anymore.
but in the end, i'm always just thankful. i'm silly for worrying and almost unabashed in my naivety, and still, there is nothing but another chance for a good life and an infinite amount of backup plans.


props to the one who has literally thought about EVERYthing.

some things...

1) I like my new place.
2) Not having a boyfriend is a good idea, but I really miss Jesse.
3) Sarah Q and Amy from China are the best roommates I could ever ask for.
4) Don't ever listen to anything I say.
5) Too many dicks on the dance floor.

I hate waking up when it's raining.

I love waking up and looking like I got shit beat out of me because then everyone feels sorry for me and wants to be my friend.

limbless

So I truly believe that the most correct things in life are the most painful. Like cutting off the arm that keeps stabbing people in the back. It hurts but you know it's THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
At this rate, I will be limbless, and the body count will still be unforgivable. I'm so apologetic, and yet I never change.
Oh, the humanity.

question

Can wilted lettuce make you sick?

No, Facebook, contrary to popular belief/face recognition/me always talking about being a Jew, I am not Jewish. Also, I'm not specifically inclined to date Jews, either.

The box o' stuff

So the stereotypical box of stuff was hardly as dramatic as you would expect. It felt normal, appropriate, and not cliche in the least. I needed my stuff, so you know, I had to come get it. And it just made sense for him to put it in a box, so I could carry it all out the the car in one trip. There was nothing wrong with this box.
It was more the idea of him cleaning his room and gathering everything of mine that didn't belong there anymore. Everything of me that he had could fit into that box, and he had to put it all there himself, maybe thinking about how he wouldn't ever seen these things again, and I wouldn't have toothbrush behind the bathroom mirror anymore, or leave makeup powder in the sink or any underwear on the floor. I feel the pain of the symbolism now, even if it didn't hit me until I was driving home.

One day, we will destroy these hills

I’d rather not think about losing the hills anymore, because they are of some significance to me. They almost hold a sort of symbolism, if you will. But for now, the way the sun hits the hills is perfect. I see it every day. It drenches the yellow grass completely, until it is a lake of pink or gold, or sometimes red. The sky behind it remains untouched, and it gives them a new dimension, a separate existence from the world around them. It’s comforting to know this is something that we didn’t create because it means it’s something that can’t have any flaws, something that won’t change, something that will always be there. At least, until they are gone.

the rain on my car is a baptism.

so sue me

if my weed is good and i still listen to death cab for cutie.

life in hayward officially rules. which half empty beer to drink first?