Jesus Was a Badass

by Anna Hobbs

key points:

1) hella funny comebacks to the Pharisees
2) he didn't come to bring peace but a sword
3) turned into The Hulk at the temple
4) stirred things up
5) hung out with prostitutes
6) showed people who's boss
7) was so unfazed by everybody's nonsense
8) screwed around on the Sabbath
9) stayed in the desert for days and didn't even eat
10) rolled AT LEAST seven deep wherever he went


Understanding the New Testament Essay Topic? CHECK AND MATE!!

No, Facebook, contrary to popular belief/face recognition/me always talking about being a Jew, I am not Jewish. Also, I'm not specifically inclined to date Jews, either.

I have no friends.

And all the "friends" that I do have find me entirely expendable.
I hate this town SO MUCH, but the only person I can take it out on is myself. I need to stop caring about other people because all it has done is make me weak and stupid. Whenever I think I might be worth the effort, I am reminded harshly that next to nobody feels the same.
However, I am hoping soon that I will get a life. If I have to spend another 24 hours sitting around at home, I really think I'm going to blowtorch my fat ugly Jewish face off.

Some Things Are Pretty Crazy

i love

1) lurking people's myspaces
2) waking up at one
3) playing the Sims 2
4) kissing Jonah
5) taking really ugly pictures and putting them on the internet
6) dreaming about Scott Biggi
7) photobooths
8) doing public woohoo in photobooths with at least three different sims
9) playing and making music with other people
10) Christian Bale
11) California
12) tropical diseases
13) having to poo
14) making friends
15) learning how to play the drums
16) reading my Bible
17) Broken Social Scene
18) being home alone
19) finger picking
20) Sarah, Harlan, Waylon, Jesse, Joel, and Tori, because they make Spring Hill so much better.


There. Isn't that better?
Jonah is my dog by the way, and yes, we kiss a LOT.

The Jews are Alive With the Sound of Music

Last night, or should I say early this morning, I was trying to make a decision between the CSPAN channels. Normally, I like to stick with the original, but I've discovered that CSPAN2 really has the hidden gems. As I'm sure you've guessed, last night/this morning was no exception.

THIS is what I found:
1) the longest, never-ending Hanukkah song.
2) extremely horrible singers
3) attempted beat boxing
4) way too theatrical Jewish boys.
5) a bored out of his skull president.
6) a Jewish attempt to form a Baptist choir.
It was rather shocking to me, because I discovered that Jews really have no place in the field of, uh...vocal arts. Assuming Barbara Streisand is not a Jew, but then I remember Yentil, and she definitely IS Jewish.
Either way, it sucks for me because I always tend to LOVE Jewish boys. It is just some THING that I have, and I loved these kids and their yamakas. But then they're opening their mouths and singing and attempting to have some sort of rhythm. And really, it was just so hilarious. SO hilarious.
So, for your entertainment, I procured the following video of the Hanukkah Reception held by Mr. and Mrs. President at the White House on Monday, December 15.
Please just fast forward to the choir, no point hearing Bushie speak about Judaism (just head straight to 10:48 because this is the song in which the hilarity ensues). Just keep an eye out for their disturbing facial expressions and the "beat boxer" in the bottom left corner.




Shittiest singers EVER. It's just the worst thing I've seen. And I swear I hear them saying "Christ is the Lord" but really, this song is just so similar to all the shitty church songs out there. I wish they just stuck to their roots. This is why Jews don't ever become Baptists. Not to mention it's the longest Hanukkah song in the entire world.