if you are a dumb crazy bitch who can't take a hint, maybe you should get a grip, stop doing drugs, and stop blaming everyone and everything but yourself for being a lazy unmotivated piece of shit. if you dropped the psycho, glenn close bullshit, people might not regret hooking up with you so much and might actually consider you someone worth being with.

ps: getting fucked up and forcing yourself upon someone doesn't make you guys an "item", it makes you desperate, pushy, and pathetic.

officially over it

and anyone who makes me have to question myself. you probably suck.

I also love being blessed with the clarity to see that the people I thought were cool actually aren't that cool, and it's good to know this now.

question

Why hasn't Andrew W.K. been nominated to run for president yet, because I told everybody that he's the only person I'm going to vote for, and if they want me to vote, he's going to have to run.
Everything would be way more terrible but in the best way. He has some really good ideas.

The box o' stuff

So the stereotypical box of stuff was hardly as dramatic as you would expect. It felt normal, appropriate, and not cliche in the least. I needed my stuff, so you know, I had to come get it. And it just made sense for him to put it in a box, so I could carry it all out the the car in one trip. There was nothing wrong with this box.
It was more the idea of him cleaning his room and gathering everything of mine that didn't belong there anymore. Everything of me that he had could fit into that box, and he had to put it all there himself, maybe thinking about how he wouldn't ever seen these things again, and I wouldn't have toothbrush behind the bathroom mirror anymore, or leave makeup powder in the sink or any underwear on the floor. I feel the pain of the symbolism now, even if it didn't hit me until I was driving home.

Lindsay Lohan's Blog

Well, I found this interesting beat poetry left in a comment on Lindsay Lohan's Myspace blog by a guy named Alfred. It reads:

man, what a day, waht a wk, wat a month. gota slow down. gowing to fast for god only knows wat. load the dishwasher twice a wk. eat, cook, crap, etc. wat for. garbage ('programmed' news inclusive) on tube. ca'nt aford a radio for to listen to covered choco peanuts. rats is funny. fuck, its almost summer and already scum tween nuts..she can have her aloha, me works to pay doctor etc then save money to go bang one in thais (oops). what a waste of space....think i'll go dick his murkiness et al. and then go to service on sunday for to have a funny guy tell me the hole worlds cool, don't worry be happy, we's all gonna die anyway, and if it feels good, fucking do it! what a life. methinks somethins missing (or should i say, somethin there that shouldn't be!!!!!!!(.(.(...

I think this excerpt speaks for itself.

all of my favorite people in one music video

hahahahaha
lil wayne needs a haircut in my opinion, but he's an awesome pantomimer.

the lamest political cartoon i've ever seen

People Who Deserve a Second Chance

1) Carrot Top. You know, that box of props thing? I think it's great. Don't be so hard on him. Regardless of that horrible plastic surgery/botox deal he's got going on these days, I don't think he's a bad guy.


2) Jennifer Aniston. I don't know about you, but I remember Rachel, and that's almost enough. Not to mention that she is ten times more adorable than that creepy crackhead Angelina Jolie and her succubus ways.


3) Brand New. Okay, it's been forever already since their last album, but they're in the studio as we speak, so we just have to be patient! And a lot of people don't like their last album because it was as poppy as the first two (which is bullshit because Devil and God was MUCH better) but I HAVE A FEELING this new one is going to be GREAT.


4) New York. NEW YORK WHERE ARE YOU? Yuck why am I even ASKING.


5) My Dad the Rock Star, the love child of Gene Simmons and Nickelodeon. There's an article about it here. Okay, not the most popular Nickelodeon cartoon around, but it is definitely one of my favorites. Nicktoons, the reject cartoon channel, doesn't even play it anymore, so that's how I know I'm in trouble. Which leads to number six...


6) Martin Mystery. Also another great and recently canceled Nicktoons show, from the creators of Totally Spies, based on an Italian comic book. Martin was certainly a dreamboat.


7) Picasso. Francis Bacon may have stolen his spotlight, but we should never forget who the master of figurative modernism is. At least, the original master.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Flava

Hernando County Arrests !!!!! March 9th !!!!!

I haven't done this lately so I'm excited!


Elizabeth C. Branson! Up to your old tricks, I see...grand theft and another scheme to obtain property!


lol


Now, he's in there for domestic battery. I know he looks scrawny, but he also looks crazy. I wouldn't want to piss him off EVER.


And this woman, already in jail, was caught trafficking drugs, and, obviously, being in possession of contraband. I hope she isn't somebody's mother!

Oh, and be on the look-out. This guy was arrested for a sex offender violation around Spring Hill Drive:


Wow. Maybe try NOT to look like a perv.

lol

This guy can't move his eyes, but he's still really into it.

why i have doubts about my generation

Something about my blogging habits: I don't post much for a couple days, then I post once or twice a day, and then I post HELLA in one day, and it's just nonstop. And the cycle repeats.
But you know, maybe my desire to write only comes in waves.

Anyways, on to what I wanted to say. This is going to be a series in sorts, because I don't really think it's polite to post EXTREMELY long blogs.
So part one in discussing my doubts about my generation, I just have to talk about myspace. I mean, I was lurking people's myspaces, as usual, and became a little bit flabbergasted at the amount of gay shit people put on them.
First, there are the girls. I mean, I can't say I hate it, because I love it, and I think it's awesome. But everything about most girls' myspaces just make me laugh.
These are a couple slogans and quotes from girls I know, or someone I know knows, or someone that someone knows knows, etc., around the country.
"She's got a smile on her face and a 'Fuck you' attitude, because from today on, she's living life for herself!"--South Bay, California
"100% BEAUTIFULL"--Berkley, California
"I am who I am. Your approval isn't needed!"--Des Plaines, Illinois
"I'm a celebrity in my hood. You just live in yours."--Campbell, CA
Okay, I just have to interject because it's just so funny that someone who lives in Campbell thinks they're in a "hood".
"You got a problem with me? Well, you can take that up to my big brother. I'm sure he'll fix the problem."--Crystal River, FL
and my personal favorite
"Pretty girls turn heads. My girls break necks!"--Spring Hill, FL
Definitely enjoyable quotes there. I can really relate to these people.
Also, every girl's myspace has a picture of Lil' Wayne on it SOMEWHERE I SWEAR. I don't understand WHY because he is probably one of the scariest looking people living on the planet today.
And apparently, a lot of girls label themselves "cunts" these days, which I'm not too sure is a good idea for our generation of blossoming young women soon to be OR ARE ALREADY moms.
You can probably find a Gucci or Chanel logo somewhere on the page...
Pictures of something the girl has deemed "artistic" in someway. You know, black and white, or a diagram of sorts. Or, you can take my sister, Sarah, for example, in her portrait of birds here she has in her about me.

so deep.

A Gift to You

A lot of people got arrested yesterday. I think there is a lot of pressure with new year/new you/new WORLD thing going on lately. Here are some of my favorites.

DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE:


This guy violated probation, but the only thing interesting to me is that we were born on the exact same date.

8.10.88 FOR LYF NIGGA

OLD ASS PLAYA


CREEPY ASS PLAYA


DRUG ADDICTS





OUT OF HER ELEMENT


BLACK PEOPLE


violation of probation, happy little lady


suspended.revoked license

and the clincher!!!

ARMED ROBBERY.

that was satisfying

i don't understand

i mean, sure, i WANT to dance, but i don't LONG to dance.

driving under the influence

NO, REALLY???!!!!

Best Song/Band/Music Video Ever

The Jews are Alive With the Sound of Music

Last night, or should I say early this morning, I was trying to make a decision between the CSPAN channels. Normally, I like to stick with the original, but I've discovered that CSPAN2 really has the hidden gems. As I'm sure you've guessed, last night/this morning was no exception.

THIS is what I found:
1) the longest, never-ending Hanukkah song.
2) extremely horrible singers
3) attempted beat boxing
4) way too theatrical Jewish boys.
5) a bored out of his skull president.
6) a Jewish attempt to form a Baptist choir.
It was rather shocking to me, because I discovered that Jews really have no place in the field of, uh...vocal arts. Assuming Barbara Streisand is not a Jew, but then I remember Yentil, and she definitely IS Jewish.
Either way, it sucks for me because I always tend to LOVE Jewish boys. It is just some THING that I have, and I loved these kids and their yamakas. But then they're opening their mouths and singing and attempting to have some sort of rhythm. And really, it was just so hilarious. SO hilarious.
So, for your entertainment, I procured the following video of the Hanukkah Reception held by Mr. and Mrs. President at the White House on Monday, December 15.
Please just fast forward to the choir, no point hearing Bushie speak about Judaism (just head straight to 10:48 because this is the song in which the hilarity ensues). Just keep an eye out for their disturbing facial expressions and the "beat boxer" in the bottom left corner.




Shittiest singers EVER. It's just the worst thing I've seen. And I swear I hear them saying "Christ is the Lord" but really, this song is just so similar to all the shitty church songs out there. I wish they just stuck to their roots. This is why Jews don't ever become Baptists. Not to mention it's the longest Hanukkah song in the entire world.

LMAO

EWWW GROSSS
I HOPE YOU LIKE RATTY EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD VAG AND TALKING ABOUT HOW LAME HIGH SCHOOL WAS!
grooossss downgrade just get your poon and move on as to not disgust everybody around you.
except EVERYBODY's doing it.
and whats with all this dating people who aren't even, like, people? they are more like caricatures of people, but hardly exist as such. as well as sleeping with a bunch of different people you don't really know, as if that's the natural progression of finding your one true love.

In other news, last night was probably the weirdest night of my life. I think alcohol should not be consumed by people who lose their minds. That just leads to one punching themselves in the head, lunging at my sister, and bringing up my most recent ex-boyfriend as if that's supposed to make me feel bad.
Oh, and then chasing us down on our walk home just to honk at us and drive away.
SO
WEIRD.
ALMOST AS WEIRD AS MY FIRST TOPIC OF DISCUSSION.

more arrests

Life is rough...

...for rednecks




...for tweakers





...for nerds



...but mostly for black people





that includes half black people, too




Stay tuned...

My Hypotheses--The Science of Self-Awareness: Part I

Hypothesis 1) If I can access my conscious mind while I sleep, then I can control my dreams.
Dreams exist, and I'm going to prove it.
I discovered this in a paralytic state of reality a couple of nights ago. I reached it on accident, as I was dreaming normally, but then something happened where it got to the point that this was undeniably real, and that I was, indeed, conscious, although no longer in my usual third dimension. It is rather indescribable, but now I'm going to devote the rest of my life to the research and study of dreams. If anyone could volunteer to be a couple of test subjects, it would be greatly appreciated. I, myself, am planning on revisiting the comatose state I was in previously, if the circumstances are fitting and the timing is just right. There I discovered an alternate existence that is very real and can possibly be controlled if I play my cards right. It is going to be dangerous. If I appear dead, don't panic, I am only paralyzed. However, if I am dead, don't go blaming it on anything supernatural. For once, this is strictly science, and at times, there are casualties for the greater good of discovery. Know that I did not die in vain.
Hypothesis 2) If I am stuck puking in Hernando County, then God must have had good reason to bring me here. I've developed four possible solutions to why God brought a girl like me to a town like this, and they are:
a) to see how long it would take before I shoot myself in the face
b) to see how long it would take before someone else shoots me in the face
c) to see how long it would take before I get off my ass and actually try to do something with my life, which in turn challenges me and tests my faith.
d) to mess with me simply because he finds me rather annoying, and I ask for too many snakes.(you know, if a son asks a father for bread, would he in turn give him a snake? But sometimes, we ask our father for snakes, and of course, in turn, he gives us nothing.)
Now, knowing the nature and character of God, I am inclined to choose option C as the most likely explanation. Although, I would have chosen C anyway, because I'm horrible at multiple choice, and that's usually your best bet. However, you never really know. So on the off chance that God's plans can be summed up in these four bullet points, which they can't, there is a 75% likelihood that I am shit out of luck.
Hypothesis 3) I've come to the conclusion that people really don't give two shits about you, or me. Nobody cares. This hypothesis can easily be proven. Although, I should probably put it in the correct sentence structure:
IF people are so concerned with their own personal contributions to society, and their own problems, THEN they really don't give two shits about you, or me. So basically, don't bother.
Like I said, I can prove this easily.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second? It's kind of important"
"No, not right now, I'm busy stacking these papers."
Any questions?
Hypothesis 4) If I do not become a writer, then I will be making a serious mistake. I HAVE to write for my profession. I just have to do it. If I do not write, I will will ruin my life. Now, I know YOU GUYS have no interest in anything I have to say, but that's because you know me and you have your biases, so it doesn't really matter to you. You can picture me typing away alone in my bedroom in complete darkness except for the glow of my computer screen, and it probably turns you off. Hey, I understand. But I think there are people out there who WILL give a shit about what I write, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to find them.
Because I've been sitting here for weeks now, and I've realized there is simply nothing else I would ever want to do ever, and nothing else I have ever wanted to do since the time I was five years old. When I am writing, it is the only time I feel completely at peace with myself (not counting spiritual experiences, obviously, although in a lot of ways, writing IS a spiritual experience for me). It makes me happier and is really the only worldly thing that can satisfy me at all. It is really all that I am. And I'm going to do it even if it kills me.
So haters, speak up now, so I can remember to NOT thank you when I'm on Oprah.