some things

1) Dogs are smart in ways you wouldn't normally think about. This morning when I sat down at the computer, Jonah bolted to my room to get his rawhide. I just think it's cool that he remembered where it was, or at least, could figure out where it was without any hesitation.
2) Today I experienced my first rain without clouds. The trees have some pretty thick leaves here in the jungle, so they hold a LOT of rain. Well, I was outside smoking a cigarette when the wind started blowing like crazy, so the leaves were moving like crazy. Of course, all the rain water came down, but it sounded and even looked like it was really raining. I mean, I've seen water blown from trees before, but it never made me have to look up and double check that it really wasn't raining.
3) I had a dream last night I was sucking on Subway pickles. Mmmmmmm.
4) I also dreamt Sam was throwing me a high school graduation party!!! Because I never DID have a party.
5) Broken Social Scene is recording a new album!!! I think it's going to be different from their last two, like, maybe a little more chill. They are recording in Chicago with John McEntire, who is in Tortoise and, one of my personal favorites, The Sea and Cake. You can read Kevin Drew's blog entry here. But personally, I don't think they can fully abandon their vast array of instruments they normally like to include. I mean, I just can't picture a BSS album without a horn or two, or even without a woodwind! But I guess we will just have to wait and see...
6) I woke up at, like 8:45 this morning! I don't remember the last time I've been awake this early on a Sunday on my own accord. I'm starting to like being awake, but the only problem is I get tired a lot earlier! I mean, I went to bed around 11:45 last night. Lammeeee.
7) I'm starting to like a lot of things, and people, a lot more.
8) I'm even starting to like it here.

Last Night's Dream

Last night in my dream some bitch was talking shit. So I was like, alright, how about we settle this like men. To my surprise, she is like, yeah, I'm down. So we take off all our jewelry because I'm apparently wearing some and pile it on the kitchen counter.
"Hey, let's make things interesting," I said.
"I'm listening," this bitch responded.
"Whoever wins the fight gets all the jewelry!"
And I guess Jesse was there and he said, "No, that's a lame idea. That's really gay. Not today, maybe if this was some other time."
So we didn't bet the jewelry. Either way, I expressed my fear in fighting her because she was fat and a lot taller than me, but turns out, I won the fight.
Also in my dream, this girl Kara who I've actually never met before and I became best friends, and I was so excited to find a girl who actually thought I was cool.
Haha, that's how I knew it was a dream, and I woke up shortly thereafter.
Also in my dream, my mom grounded me for six days because I slapped her.
Also in my dream, there was a party in Santa Cruz my sister had access to attending and refused to take me.
More later....

Nudity

Well, last night, I had a pretty symbolic dream for the most part. It was "one of those". I was in bed with someone, who will remain unnamed, and was TOTALLY naked. He was naked, too, thank God, or that would've been embarrassing for me. I mean, there was nothing sexual about it or anything, so don't think I'm about to divulge in fantasy here. I guess nudity is really just a form of vunerability, especially for me. And it was kind of a scary dream. Anyways, he was just like, "Hai, it's so nice that you're naked with me, you're so beautiful!" And I was super scared but still somewhat down to be naked. And something about the dream was so sweet and cute, but at the same time, I was pretty unsure of the whole thing.
See, pretty symbolic, right?
Lol, why bother...
In other news, I'd really like to buy some weed right now, but one of the terms of my unemployment is that I don't make any money. Therefore, it's not really in the cards for me to have any personal habits. It's all for the best. But sometimes it's not even about the money. I mean, cigarettes are pretty much not doing it for me these days. I've been smoking, like, one a day, except for the one and a half yesterday. That's right. I couldn't even finish a full one. I have two left in this pack, and I don't think I'm going to buy another one. Because really, I can feel it just sucking the vitamin C RIGHT out of my bones. So wish me luck.
Anyways, I just got off the phone with Jesse and am going to start preparing myself for another adventure.
And I feel like I should say something about something, but then that's just me putting unnecessary actions on blast.
So until tonight...

AND BY THE WAY
I have no idea what I'm talking about in the last post, so thanks for your patience.

Sarah Sidel

Going back to CSI, which is really where my mind should be at all times, I don't understand why Sarah became a CSI.
I mean, I know she has this history of sexual abuse or whatever, so maybe she has this fixation on finding justice for rape victims. But either way, she seems easily shaken by events that take place. It's not a bad thing, because at least it shows a little humanity on Sarah's part. However, it doesn't make much sense because she is probably the least likable character on the show.
At first, I really hated Sarah, but then after a while, I grew to love her. The same as you would a hard ass teacher or an in-your-face therapist or a know-it-all roommate, I suppose. However, it would be nice if she would stop crying and dust the body for gunpowder residue, because no one wants to hear it.

And I know I am asexual, so I wish I wouldn't have dreams about ex-boyfriends or old friends, especially ones that are awesome.

My Hypotheses--The Science of Self-Awareness: Part I

Hypothesis 1) If I can access my conscious mind while I sleep, then I can control my dreams.
Dreams exist, and I'm going to prove it.
I discovered this in a paralytic state of reality a couple of nights ago. I reached it on accident, as I was dreaming normally, but then something happened where it got to the point that this was undeniably real, and that I was, indeed, conscious, although no longer in my usual third dimension. It is rather indescribable, but now I'm going to devote the rest of my life to the research and study of dreams. If anyone could volunteer to be a couple of test subjects, it would be greatly appreciated. I, myself, am planning on revisiting the comatose state I was in previously, if the circumstances are fitting and the timing is just right. There I discovered an alternate existence that is very real and can possibly be controlled if I play my cards right. It is going to be dangerous. If I appear dead, don't panic, I am only paralyzed. However, if I am dead, don't go blaming it on anything supernatural. For once, this is strictly science, and at times, there are casualties for the greater good of discovery. Know that I did not die in vain.
Hypothesis 2) If I am stuck puking in Hernando County, then God must have had good reason to bring me here. I've developed four possible solutions to why God brought a girl like me to a town like this, and they are:
a) to see how long it would take before I shoot myself in the face
b) to see how long it would take before someone else shoots me in the face
c) to see how long it would take before I get off my ass and actually try to do something with my life, which in turn challenges me and tests my faith.
d) to mess with me simply because he finds me rather annoying, and I ask for too many snakes.(you know, if a son asks a father for bread, would he in turn give him a snake? But sometimes, we ask our father for snakes, and of course, in turn, he gives us nothing.)
Now, knowing the nature and character of God, I am inclined to choose option C as the most likely explanation. Although, I would have chosen C anyway, because I'm horrible at multiple choice, and that's usually your best bet. However, you never really know. So on the off chance that God's plans can be summed up in these four bullet points, which they can't, there is a 75% likelihood that I am shit out of luck.
Hypothesis 3) I've come to the conclusion that people really don't give two shits about you, or me. Nobody cares. This hypothesis can easily be proven. Although, I should probably put it in the correct sentence structure:
IF people are so concerned with their own personal contributions to society, and their own problems, THEN they really don't give two shits about you, or me. So basically, don't bother.
Like I said, I can prove this easily.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second? It's kind of important"
"No, not right now, I'm busy stacking these papers."
Any questions?
Hypothesis 4) If I do not become a writer, then I will be making a serious mistake. I HAVE to write for my profession. I just have to do it. If I do not write, I will will ruin my life. Now, I know YOU GUYS have no interest in anything I have to say, but that's because you know me and you have your biases, so it doesn't really matter to you. You can picture me typing away alone in my bedroom in complete darkness except for the glow of my computer screen, and it probably turns you off. Hey, I understand. But I think there are people out there who WILL give a shit about what I write, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to find them.
Because I've been sitting here for weeks now, and I've realized there is simply nothing else I would ever want to do ever, and nothing else I have ever wanted to do since the time I was five years old. When I am writing, it is the only time I feel completely at peace with myself (not counting spiritual experiences, obviously, although in a lot of ways, writing IS a spiritual experience for me). It makes me happier and is really the only worldly thing that can satisfy me at all. It is really all that I am. And I'm going to do it even if it kills me.
So haters, speak up now, so I can remember to NOT thank you when I'm on Oprah.