KAREN

IS THE SHIT.
She cleaned my bedroom completely, and my bathroom.
Who does that? Freaks of nature do that.
I love my freaky roommates.

a list of things i think are not cool

1) People's girlfriends
2) Thinking about someone when they're not there, i.e. missing someone.
3) Going to Spanish class
4) Running out of money and weed five days before payday.
5) That some of you people avidly read this blog but never comment.
6) Starting to like someone even when you know it's not going to amount to anything, and even if it did, you wouldn't want it to.
7) Still being in love with someone you aren't ready to be in love with.
8) Having two fifteen page study guides I have to review for my Art History final.
9) Getting two full days completely off from everything for the first time in months and spending them doing absolutely nothing.
10) Having to drive at least twenty-five minutes to get to anywhere I truly want or need to be.
11) That Sarah Q's do not grow on trees.

Soul mates

I often disregarded the idea of soul mates because how could we ever rest assured that we are ever going to meet them? How could we ever know where they are, who they are, or if we've already met them? Lately, though, I've realized that you don't always get to meet your soul mate. You can go your whole life without meeting your one true love. They're out there, but you'll never know. They might even be a fictional character.
In my case, I HAVE found my soul mate. I realize now that this is the only person who is meant for me, created by God as a MATE for my own SOUL. It's the one person in the whole world who could ever truly love and understand me, and the one person I could ever truly love and be loyal to.
Unfortunately, he is just an alter ego, and I will never get to be with him. But I'm thankful to know that there IS someone absolutely amazing out there for me, even if he will never be mine.



Thanks Charlie, for giving me hope that I will one day find someone kind of like you, but not my soul mate.

I really miss my P.I.C.

back in the days where Sarah was actually fatter than me.

One day, we will destroy these hills

I’d rather not think about losing the hills anymore, because they are of some significance to me. They almost hold a sort of symbolism, if you will. But for now, the way the sun hits the hills is perfect. I see it every day. It drenches the yellow grass completely, until it is a lake of pink or gold, or sometimes red. The sky behind it remains untouched, and it gives them a new dimension, a separate existence from the world around them. It’s comforting to know this is something that we didn’t create because it means it’s something that can’t have any flaws, something that won’t change, something that will always be there. At least, until they are gone.

I can't help it

I want to tell the whole world.

I take back what I said before

Notre-Dame de Paris, aka The Hunchback of Notre Dame, is hella good, once you get past the boring.

Also

PAIN in the form of love

oh i am sore in the tenderest form in the most
hidden of places behind ventricular walls.

Somehow, in a brief moment of clarity involving a vocal hallucination and an incredibly crisp swallow of water, I stumbled upon the definition of true love and how it applies to me. Further inquiry into the subject made me realize that it never has and that, if it did, I would never get it back now. At least, not with the heavy expanse of months and miles that is preventing me from thinking too deeply about anything ever again.
Upon knowing what you have found, you become equally aware of what you have lost, and how, in some senses, it is better off that way. And one can say it constantly, but I don't think one ever truly believes it to the extent which I have forced myself to. I think that I am better off, but I would be lying if I said I don't obsess over the idea, that my main goal since arriving here has not been the inevitable return.
I had once believed that my exodus was from California, and that Florida was the Canaan of sorts, in which I would have to disparage and ruin in order to make my peaceful home. But then I realized I have simply been displaced, and that the only promised land in existance is where I have come from, and now every goal in my life revolves around how I'm going to get back, and who I will have to take with me, and who I will have to leave behind.
There is no love similar to that of love of land. I can't describe the hold certain soil has on me (and by soil, I do not mean the powdered sand that overflows beneath the sinewy roots of grass as if it cannot understand how anything grows from its bed at all) or the way I can feel the presence of rocky cliffsides and plummeting, winding streets as if I had never left at all. It shows in the way I mistake clouds for mountains, or how I expect to find a babbling brook in even the slightest grouping of trees. The love of land is all encompassing, and you miss it like you miss anything else you have loved and lost, expecting to be cradled by a soft sun and the milky scent of jasmine, but are instead beaten by choking humidity or chubby drops of rain. Even the simplest of differences in climate and terrain spawn the most terrifying bouts of nostalgia. I say nostalgia not with the bittersweet fondness that it usually entails, but with the crippling pain these recollections have caused and continue to inspire on an almost daily basis. The nostalgia I have known is not the pleasant fondness of recalling a childhood toy or a family vacation, but is a harrowing, desperate plunge into smells that haunt my senses and turn my stomach, of faces, smooth and ivory, rich and dark, whom appear and reappear in the most sinisterly reptitive of dreams, the caress of a breeze rolling on the back of the fog seeping from behind the hills, or the taste of Pacific salt water streaming down my face after having collapsed into a violent swell of a kelp encrusted wave. Nothing about these memories are comforting, but rather, torturous, knowing that they are sensations I can never recreate, and places my soles would not recognize after more years spent in these swamps and desolate jungles.
I cannot bring myself to remember the years lost or the people I can no longer touch without brief but searing moments of pain, but if anything, I am terrified to forget. The only proof I have of any life I have lived before is only the images and sensory details that I've buried deep between fleshy brain tissue and hardened coronary arteries, details which, should I forget, may one day resurface in a hurried, flashy show of gentle and engaging agony, a show that I hope to avoid at all costs. Therefore, though it troubles me to recount, the time I have lost will never make itself unknown to me, because to forget would be a far worse thing than to do without the pain of remembering. To forget means losing the most beautiful place on earth simply for the selfish purpose of acquiring the much-envied state of apathy, numbness. If I made it that far, I would no longer know how sweet the air tastes and how soft the dirt was, and how delicate the hearts of my lovers were, and how hard my heart had to become to force myself to leave it all.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up somewhere different

When I opened my eyes I saw bright white walls shining with hand painted oil from my palms and the soles of a man who feels harder than the rain, but softer than the pain that sinks into my hips when his rough fingertips
search my whole body to discover the bone.
He also feels like too much sun and makes my pupils dilate and red spread underneath my skin until my limbs are fresh with heat, and my heart stops keeping beat as it slows, sinks, and swells, to the dismay of my cells
who come in the millions, and yet feel quite alone.
My head hangs on my spine like a broken streetlight
while my skirt is flying upward like your wanton kite
I want to be the one girl that you want to treat right
and not just in case you might get cold at night.
There are days when the sky is the film in my eyes, and it's hard to believe that the world isn't changing when my heart is expanding every day. But sometimes these feelings, they only can taunt me, when I can't imagine the reasons you want me, and the way that I feel is too good to be real
so this must be a dream that we've made.
And for those two weeks, I was tobacco free. Now your lungs are expanding, and your muscles stretch beneath me, and your soul drips like water onto a fever as my head becomes bright and increasingly warm, but before the words I choke on finally form, you have figured it out, and now love kills all doubt.
You know what I am, and you still aren't afraid.

BOYFRIEND UPDATE

Jesse has won me two stuffed animals, TWO that's right, so far!
=D is the emoticon closest to what I feel, but there aren't really enough sufficient options.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS

So I was just looking into some awesome stuff, and it seems that there are going to be TWO Deathly Hallows movies, meaning they are splitting it up. Which is awesome because that means I have about three more years to look forward to Harry Potter related things before the time comes that I'm just gonna have to let it go.
Anyways, that's not all.

THERE'S PICTURES! Mostly of Harry walking in a forest, but this still excites me.






As you can see, Harry's looking a little bit different. He kind of reminds me of my friend John Wu when he was bigger and his hair was different.
Anyways, good news. And, as you can see, the countdown for the Half Blood Prince is dwindling everyday.

Half Blood Prince Countdown

You'll be happy to know, or maybe you won't care, that I've added a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince countdown to my blog. As you can see, we have 129 days left.
I was watching an awesome behind the scenes preview today. I was so excited, my eyes were watering. I felt like Nutty Madam

Happy Saturday

Hey guys what's happening. Today's Saturday, and why is it so happy?
1) Children. Children are the light of the world, and two of these lamps are going to be staying at my house for a week. My niece, Lexi, and my nephew, Ben, should be arriving quite soon. I'm hope to post some blogs about their insights on movies and legos.
2) Groceries. I love new groceries.
3) Freckles. In my opinion, freckles are an extremely underrated physical feature that I never realized how much I enjoyed until recently. SO CUTE.
4) Billy Elliott. Greatest accents of all time.
5) My dog. Jonah is going to become a rising celebrity. Everyone in this small blogging community will recognize his face and know his name.
6) Harlan. Leaving some dicky comments cause he's jealous that he's not in the Owl Plushie Gazette. This is to tell Harlan to get out of denial. The fact is that he does NOT think my blog sucks, obviously, because he reads it multiple times a day. ANYONE ELSE THINK MY BLOG SUCKS?
7) Intimacy. What's the deal? I'm not sure. All I know is that being close to anybody is pretty intense, and I don't know how low to get down.

that's it. more tonight, hopefully i'll be toting a child with me.

Jonah

Jonah

I love my dog. He is really the greatest dog ever created. HE IS PERFECT in every way, and if you guys could just know him like I know him, you would never want to leave him, and you would miss him when you were gone.
Who wants to get to love my dog? Take us to the preserve, and we'll go for a walk. You definitely won't regret it.

The Black Keys--Grown So Ugly

definitely one of my top five favorite bands.

i love

1) lurking people's myspaces
2) waking up at one
3) playing the Sims 2
4) kissing Jonah
5) taking really ugly pictures and putting them on the internet
6) dreaming about Scott Biggi
7) photobooths
8) doing public woohoo in photobooths with at least three different sims
9) playing and making music with other people
10) Christian Bale
11) California
12) tropical diseases
13) having to poo
14) making friends
15) learning how to play the drums
16) reading my Bible
17) Broken Social Scene
18) being home alone
19) finger picking
20) Sarah, Harlan, Waylon, Jesse, Joel, and Tori, because they make Spring Hill so much better.


There. Isn't that better?
Jonah is my dog by the way, and yes, we kiss a LOT.

an assortment of good things

1) I need new guitar strings. I'm starting to get depressed about it.
2) Who wants to go to Miami in March? We will be seeing
-Death Cab
-Lucero
-Cold War Kids
-Snoop Dogg
but more importantly, Broken Social Scene. Which is really the only reason I want to go, but you know, I would go anywhere in this state for them if I was able.
3) Also, be on the look out for a music myspace coming from me and my associates. We're really punk.
4) Tough night last night for these people:







and one of my regular Circle K customers


5) I think I love every instrument ever created ever I am in love.
6) I love everybody. You're all beautiful.

sick with it

No more vodka for the one hundred thousand and third time.
You've Got Mail is probably the cutest movie on the planet. It's days like these that reaffirm my faith in true love. Not that I have it or have ever experienced it beyond that of a mutual understanding between me and my dog. But I know it exists, and that it's out there, waiting for me, and I will find it when I am ready for it.
Which is not now, or probably anywhere close to it. But I hope that when I do fall in love, I won't hesitate to be kind anymore.