Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire Cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the Cat, "it doesn't matter.”
Monday, September 22, 2014
Saturday, September 13, 2014
No one seems to understand how hard this is. I never wanted to have to make the decision I'm going to have to make. Not ever. Everyone talks about it like it's a blip on a radar, or like the solution to the problem is so obvious, like getting a root canal. Yeah, you probably should've flossed, but now you just have to take care of it and be done with it.
People always talk about how we're so lucky we have choices, but this isn't a choice. We have the same power of choice as we ever did. Now, we have options. I see that I have options. But in this matter, I truly have no choice, unless I want to choose being destitute, miserable, and alone.
The only choice I had was the decision to take a risk. I backed myself into a corner, and I knew what I was getting myself into. That was the choice I made.
People always talk about how we're so lucky we have choices, but this isn't a choice. We have the same power of choice as we ever did. Now, we have options. I see that I have options. But in this matter, I truly have no choice, unless I want to choose being destitute, miserable, and alone.
The only choice I had was the decision to take a risk. I backed myself into a corner, and I knew what I was getting myself into. That was the choice I made.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
say anything
You were my crutch
Now I've escaped your clutch
so how is that worm's eye view
I have grown two broad wings, and now I'm above you :)
Now I've escaped your clutch
so how is that worm's eye view
I have grown two broad wings, and now I'm above you :)
Monday, July 7, 2014
True love
I hate modern dating rules. It makes honesty really difficult. I mean, I like you, but I'm not supposed to talk to you or something? That would be weird, right? I don't know. In my experience, more than half the time that I wanted to contact a guy, he also wanted to contact me. But we both didn't because we were equally worried about the other's response. And, of course, we discuss years later about our missed connection. Isn't that just complete BULLSHIT? It's like, if you feel a connection with someone, what if there is some sort of validation there? Maybe it isn't something you're just making up in your head. Maybe you guys are actually hitting it off, and you're not just imagining it all.
But then again, maybe you are. And maybe it's pretty awful. Maybe it's that every-time-your-phone-goes-off-you-hope-it's-him kind of thing. And you know that it's most likely your mom making sure you're still alive, or your boss calling you into work, so why are you so excited over your cellphone vibrating like it did every other day before you started thinking about him? And honestly, why would it be him? You hung out alone, like, twice. You already had sex, so it's basically over. Maybe technology is one of those things you just aren't ready for. Sounds like it's opening doors of entitlement and unfulfilled expectations. True love isn't going to manifest itself via SMS or Facebook, unfortunately. They've thought about it, looked into it. Lesson brutally learned by everyone but you.
Anyway, apparently it's not okay to feel this way anymore. If you have butterflies in your stomach, you better reel it in, because you are getting a little too carried away. No one wants you to text him good night or remember the sandwich order he made these days . That shit is creepy.
But then again, maybe you are. And maybe it's pretty awful. Maybe it's that every-time-your-phone-goes-off-you-hope-it's-him kind of thing. And you know that it's most likely your mom making sure you're still alive, or your boss calling you into work, so why are you so excited over your cellphone vibrating like it did every other day before you started thinking about him? And honestly, why would it be him? You hung out alone, like, twice. You already had sex, so it's basically over. Maybe technology is one of those things you just aren't ready for. Sounds like it's opening doors of entitlement and unfulfilled expectations. True love isn't going to manifest itself via SMS or Facebook, unfortunately. They've thought about it, looked into it. Lesson brutally learned by everyone but you.
Anyway, apparently it's not okay to feel this way anymore. If you have butterflies in your stomach, you better reel it in, because you are getting a little too carried away. No one wants you to text him good night or remember the sandwich order he made these days . That shit is creepy.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
anna's relationship science
You most likely won't end up marrying the guy you hooked up with the very first time you guys hung out. It's science.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
My letter to Steph Curry
I wrote this to him after Mark Jackson was fired
Dear Stephen Curry,
I know you may still be mourning the loss of your coach and mentor, Mark Jackson. As someone who would blindly marry you and bear your oatmeal-colored children, I want you to know that I'm here to help.
Mark Jackson has been a huge asset to your career and undoubtedly played an important role in your success with the Warriors. I know he provided you with motivation and positive energy. He saw what you were capable of, and most of all, he believed in you. If I had to make some sort of analogy here, which is custom in letters like this, I'd say he was the soil that helped you bloom. You're like a...I don't know, a sunflower. Which isn't a half-bad comparison when you think about it because, like a sunflower, you'll continue to reach great heights, even without that specific Jackson brand fertilizer. And you may or may not kill everything else around you in the process. We'll see.
So now, I suggest you take this time (this is what we call a "mourning period") to remember the good times you had with Mark--whether it was a poolside afternoon or a late-night heart to heart with a bottle of wine, or a crazy weekend on a houseboat with lots of other NBA players who are, for the most part, really tall and mostly good-looking. And maybe these things never actually happened, and I'm simply listing the things that you and I have done in my dreams (and can do in the future, might I add), but I'm sure the two of you have shared similar experiences. At the least, you know that there's been a couple of passionate locker room pep talks to take with you wherever you go.
The good news is that it's not like he's dead, so you guys can still be friends. Unless, of course, Steve Kerr doesn't let you talk to him anymore, probably because he's jealous and wishes that the two of you shared a similar bond, and he knows that he can never replace Mark Jackson in your heart, and it becomes this ever-present seed of doubt that grows inside of him until he decides that he has to BECOME Mark Jackson, so he starts doing everything Mark Jackson used to do until eventually he gets fired because the franchise is like, Wait, I thought we already fired Mark Jackson!? Then you guys can be friends again (this is what we call a "self-correcting problem"), but it's probably gonna be a little weirder now that you started hanging out with the NEW coach, since Mark's feeling a little slighted and all, and although he's not gonna make you feel bad about it since that's just how he is, there's definitely some awkwardness there.
Anyway.
From this moment on, your team will be different. Hopefully the change will bring you even more success than you've already had. I want so badly for the team to do well, and I have faith that this will bring good things for you guys. Next year, you will be #1 in the Western conference, and Mark Jackson will deserve credit for building you guys up to make it that far. And if not, and you guys just start sucking--like, REALLY sucking, like before 2012 sucking, like 2007 never happened sucking--at least you aren't a huge asshole like Blake Griffin, that ugly crybaby ass bitch. Honestly, I just really hate that guy, and this has nothing to do with you, but I would love so much for him to wake up one day to discover that he's playing for the Cavaliers, and no one even mean tweets about him anymore, and not even Baron Davis will return his phone calls.
But yeah, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to hold, or some random mostly white girl to make out with indiscriminately, you can always find me on Facebook and other various social media outlets, such as your Facebook, or your Instagram, or your Twitter.
Your's truly,
Anna Marie Hobbs
P.S. Please continue to wear checkered three-piece suits with a flower on the lapel, except next time, I think it'd be real funny if it was a water-squirting flower, and you squirted people in the face with it.
Dear Stephen Curry,
I know you may still be mourning the loss of your coach and mentor, Mark Jackson. As someone who would blindly marry you and bear your oatmeal-colored children, I want you to know that I'm here to help.
Mark Jackson has been a huge asset to your career and undoubtedly played an important role in your success with the Warriors. I know he provided you with motivation and positive energy. He saw what you were capable of, and most of all, he believed in you. If I had to make some sort of analogy here, which is custom in letters like this, I'd say he was the soil that helped you bloom. You're like a...I don't know, a sunflower. Which isn't a half-bad comparison when you think about it because, like a sunflower, you'll continue to reach great heights, even without that specific Jackson brand fertilizer. And you may or may not kill everything else around you in the process. We'll see.
So now, I suggest you take this time (this is what we call a "mourning period") to remember the good times you had with Mark--whether it was a poolside afternoon or a late-night heart to heart with a bottle of wine, or a crazy weekend on a houseboat with lots of other NBA players who are, for the most part, really tall and mostly good-looking. And maybe these things never actually happened, and I'm simply listing the things that you and I have done in my dreams (and can do in the future, might I add), but I'm sure the two of you have shared similar experiences. At the least, you know that there's been a couple of passionate locker room pep talks to take with you wherever you go.
The good news is that it's not like he's dead, so you guys can still be friends. Unless, of course, Steve Kerr doesn't let you talk to him anymore, probably because he's jealous and wishes that the two of you shared a similar bond, and he knows that he can never replace Mark Jackson in your heart, and it becomes this ever-present seed of doubt that grows inside of him until he decides that he has to BECOME Mark Jackson, so he starts doing everything Mark Jackson used to do until eventually he gets fired because the franchise is like, Wait, I thought we already fired Mark Jackson!? Then you guys can be friends again (this is what we call a "self-correcting problem"), but it's probably gonna be a little weirder now that you started hanging out with the NEW coach, since Mark's feeling a little slighted and all, and although he's not gonna make you feel bad about it since that's just how he is, there's definitely some awkwardness there.
Anyway.
From this moment on, your team will be different. Hopefully the change will bring you even more success than you've already had. I want so badly for the team to do well, and I have faith that this will bring good things for you guys. Next year, you will be #1 in the Western conference, and Mark Jackson will deserve credit for building you guys up to make it that far. And if not, and you guys just start sucking--like, REALLY sucking, like before 2012 sucking, like 2007 never happened sucking--at least you aren't a huge asshole like Blake Griffin, that ugly crybaby ass bitch. Honestly, I just really hate that guy, and this has nothing to do with you, but I would love so much for him to wake up one day to discover that he's playing for the Cavaliers, and no one even mean tweets about him anymore, and not even Baron Davis will return his phone calls.
But yeah, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to hold, or some random mostly white girl to make out with indiscriminately, you can always find me on Facebook and other various social media outlets, such as your Facebook, or your Instagram, or your Twitter.
Your's truly,
Anna Marie Hobbs
P.S. Please continue to wear checkered three-piece suits with a flower on the lapel, except next time, I think it'd be real funny if it was a water-squirting flower, and you squirted people in the face with it.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Technically, I've felt alone for a while. Not in that desperate, what am I gonna do no one loves me sort of alone. But in that separate sort of alone where I can't seem to feel like I'm actually a part of anything. It's as if life has always been a spectator sport for me, and I spend the majority of it wondering what I'm going to do with mine. I see other people, and they seem so thick with resolve. I wouldn't say that I'm envious of them, but studious. Curious. I wonder quietly what lessons they've learned that I seem to have missed. What insights into themselves that they've discovered in order to explain it all.
What I think is the most exasperating is that I know at this moment in my mid-twenties with a couple tens of thousands of dollars, I could do a lot of "fulfilling" things. I could pick up a hobby, travel the world, throw down on a condo, take out a loan and start a business. I am overwhelmed by this prospect. People always say, "You can be whatever you want to be if you try." As if the battle is trying. Whoever knows what they want is truly happy. I know I could do anything, be anything, work hard for anything. But I don't WANT anything. I don't CARE about anything. When I sit down and think, if I had no ties, no expectations, and all the money in the world, what would I do? Understand that I'm hoping the answer will reveal to me what I'm passionate about. But if I could have anything, it would be to no longer feel the need for fulfillment. Honestly, why can't I just be fulfilled by sitting around watching the NBA draft with a beer or reading the New Yorker in bed for three hours straight? I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my talent anymore by opting out of what some would call more "fulfilling" life choices. I want to be talentless, in order to save myself for this ever looming concept of unrealized potential. As a matter of fact, I want to have zero potential! That way when I finally DO do something, it's because I want to, not because I owe it to myself, or to society, or because it's a waste not to do it. Is that so much to ask?
The greatest thing that San Diego has taught me so far is that confidence is all you need. Literally, for anything, ever. Believing in yourself isn't overrated. In this life of utter bullshit, it's really really REALLY reassuring to know that you're not entirely worthless and you do deserve all the good things that you want. You actually really do. So no worries in the end, I guess. I'm just going to pretend that I drink a vial of Felix Felicis every day. If I just go with the flow and stay positive and be real, this alleged "potential" of mine will not be wasted.
What I think is the most exasperating is that I know at this moment in my mid-twenties with a couple tens of thousands of dollars, I could do a lot of "fulfilling" things. I could pick up a hobby, travel the world, throw down on a condo, take out a loan and start a business. I am overwhelmed by this prospect. People always say, "You can be whatever you want to be if you try." As if the battle is trying. Whoever knows what they want is truly happy. I know I could do anything, be anything, work hard for anything. But I don't WANT anything. I don't CARE about anything. When I sit down and think, if I had no ties, no expectations, and all the money in the world, what would I do? Understand that I'm hoping the answer will reveal to me what I'm passionate about. But if I could have anything, it would be to no longer feel the need for fulfillment. Honestly, why can't I just be fulfilled by sitting around watching the NBA draft with a beer or reading the New Yorker in bed for three hours straight? I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my talent anymore by opting out of what some would call more "fulfilling" life choices. I want to be talentless, in order to save myself for this ever looming concept of unrealized potential. As a matter of fact, I want to have zero potential! That way when I finally DO do something, it's because I want to, not because I owe it to myself, or to society, or because it's a waste not to do it. Is that so much to ask?
The greatest thing that San Diego has taught me so far is that confidence is all you need. Literally, for anything, ever. Believing in yourself isn't overrated. In this life of utter bullshit, it's really really REALLY reassuring to know that you're not entirely worthless and you do deserve all the good things that you want. You actually really do. So no worries in the end, I guess. I'm just going to pretend that I drink a vial of Felix Felicis every day. If I just go with the flow and stay positive and be real, this alleged "potential" of mine will not be wasted.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
jane says
she knows
they all want her to go
but that's okay, she don't like them anyway
janes says
i'm going away to spain, gonna get my money saved
im gonna start tomorrow
they all want her to go
but that's okay, she don't like them anyway
janes says
i'm going away to spain, gonna get my money saved
im gonna start tomorrow
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
life ls like salt
my love is like being stranded at sea
you're surrounded by water with nothing to drink
i fight past the break just to dream of the shore
i run from the waves cause i'm waiting for more
i'm not always sure what my body is for
but you remind me.
you're surrounded by water with nothing to drink
i fight past the break just to dream of the shore
i run from the waves cause i'm waiting for more
i'm not always sure what my body is for
but you remind me.
there's water everywhere
it's in my lungs, and it's in my bed
it's 30 percent of the hair on my head
i'm holding my breath, and it's not fair
i've learned so much from you
it was stupid to be angry with you
but i can't blame myself for the fervor felt when i was someone else
and i can't blame you for not loving me
so now i'm back to skin and bones
feeling at home in a place that's not my home
i'm glad i've shed the weight of you
i'm thankful to not have you to answer to.
i'm hungry everyday now.
everything is all how it should be
i say it in my sleep now.
it's in my lungs, and it's in my bed
it's 30 percent of the hair on my head
i'm holding my breath, and it's not fair
i've learned so much from you
it was stupid to be angry with you
but i can't blame myself for the fervor felt when i was someone else
and i can't blame you for not loving me
so now i'm back to skin and bones
feeling at home in a place that's not my home
i'm glad i've shed the weight of you
i'm thankful to not have you to answer to.
i'm hungry everyday now.
everything is all how it should be
i say it in my sleep now.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Sometimes making a bad decision is the best thing you can ever do
So thankful to have this weather and my friends!
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
5 things 2/19
God is this missing thing. In our society, he has become archaic in every sense of his being. A handful of decades ago, surprisingly, he existed fully and was not only accepted, but sought. Integrated and involved.
I feel like the whole concept of God has become a universal joke, and the people who aren't laughing are being laughed at, incessantly. Embarrassing themselves, so to speak.
I feel sorry that I feel alone in my belief, and I feel sorry that I feel mistrustful of others who believe. But this still leads me to be thankful.
Five things
1) Faith. Mine and others, derived from good will and pure love. God is good, and his grace is not lost upon me yet, and hopefully never will be.
2) Second guessing myself. It gets so exhausting to the point where I won't be able to do it anymore. And I can't wait for that moment :)
3) My youth. I notice as get older, everyone you know starts to die. And it must get to a point where you start wondering when your time will come. After you have a pretty thick stack of funeral programs, your own mortality must become all too apparent. It's when you start getting your affairs in order and start looking back on all the things you never did. I'm thankful that I have time for that yet.
4) My guitar. Honestly. I've had it for 11 years, it's been everywhere I've ever been, and it's truly become a limb. I would cry if I lost it. It's nice to feel that way about things sometimes.
5) That I live in a town where there is Pinback on the jukebox. Seriously.
I feel like the whole concept of God has become a universal joke, and the people who aren't laughing are being laughed at, incessantly. Embarrassing themselves, so to speak.
I feel sorry that I feel alone in my belief, and I feel sorry that I feel mistrustful of others who believe. But this still leads me to be thankful.
Five things
1) Faith. Mine and others, derived from good will and pure love. God is good, and his grace is not lost upon me yet, and hopefully never will be.
2) Second guessing myself. It gets so exhausting to the point where I won't be able to do it anymore. And I can't wait for that moment :)
3) My youth. I notice as get older, everyone you know starts to die. And it must get to a point where you start wondering when your time will come. After you have a pretty thick stack of funeral programs, your own mortality must become all too apparent. It's when you start getting your affairs in order and start looking back on all the things you never did. I'm thankful that I have time for that yet.
4) My guitar. Honestly. I've had it for 11 years, it's been everywhere I've ever been, and it's truly become a limb. I would cry if I lost it. It's nice to feel that way about things sometimes.
5) That I live in a town where there is Pinback on the jukebox. Seriously.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
sufjan
Oh, God of Progress
have you degraded or forgot us?
Where have your laws gone?
I think about it now.
have you degraded or forgot us?
Where have your laws gone?
I think about it now.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
what is it with girls
and needing closure?
And what is it with guys being freaking incapable of giving it to us?
And what is it with guys being freaking incapable of giving it to us?
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
5 things 2/12
Today was great!
1) My journalism class
2) Officially deciding I want to be a journalist
3) Getting drinks with Bret and Diego
4) Doing karaoke tonight
5) And again, that my Volvo still works.
1) My journalism class
2) Officially deciding I want to be a journalist
3) Getting drinks with Bret and Diego
4) Doing karaoke tonight
5) And again, that my Volvo still works.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
5 things 2/11
Speaking about life positively is helping me look at things differently. I still cry at least once a day, but it's definitely gotten better. Here's some things.
1) Whisper at Jolt N' Joe's
2) Sleeping with Chico
3) Mike, my super sexy banker
4) That my Volvo still works
5) Park it on Market. A dollar an hour for parking, yes please!!
1) Whisper at Jolt N' Joe's
2) Sleeping with Chico
3) Mike, my super sexy banker
4) That my Volvo still works
5) Park it on Market. A dollar an hour for parking, yes please!!
Monday, February 10, 2014
5 things 2/10
This list making thing is hard. I don't enjoy the things i used to enjoy, and nothing makes me feel proud of or good about myself. I feel like I really, truly am worthless, especially now with Ryan telling me he was never proud to be my boyfriend and he never accepted me. Basically, he doesn't even like me as a person let alone a girlfriend. I don't know if anyone will.
So this is extremely forced, I'm just hoping it will help eventually.
1) Grape juice
2) Weed
3) Peter with his shirt off
4) Tina
5) Majoring in journalism
So this is extremely forced, I'm just hoping it will help eventually.
1) Grape juice
2) Weed
3) Peter with his shirt off
4) Tina
5) Majoring in journalism
Saturday, February 8, 2014
5 things 2/7
I read somewhere that something to help when you're down is to make daily lists of things that make you happy. Actually, I heard this from the mother of a Columbine victim on Oprah back in elementary school. But she read the notebook of her formally depressed, currently deceased daughter, and it kind of stuck with me.
Here's today's list of things that make me happy.
1) I didn't get raped tonight. Close call.
2) The Law and Order theme song. Every time.
3) Watching Girls with Tina.
4) Chico the Autistic Pitbull
5) The way I can smell the harbor before I even know I'm there.
Here's today's list of things that make me happy.
1) I didn't get raped tonight. Close call.
2) The Law and Order theme song. Every time.
3) Watching Girls with Tina.
4) Chico the Autistic Pitbull
5) The way I can smell the harbor before I even know I'm there.
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