evil

a solid property of which I think is only tangible to me.
It's weird that I can look around and see its physical presence.
We are animals. We are innately evil. It is what we know. MR. GOLDING you have proven my fifteen year old self wrong, and I'm sorry for doubting you. Now to ask the rotting pig head what he thinks...
In other news, I think I'm ready to face the outside world again. I have had a lot of time to think, but I've been depriving myself of my basic needs. I am pale, I am never hungry, and I am always tired. But the good thing is that it has brought me to desperation. I rely on the discomfort, weakness, and pain to remind myself that I am still here, and I can't give up. I can see things for what they really are now, because I'm no longer blinded by unnecessary emotion, and all I am left with is my body and my soul. Everything is physical, everything is spiritual. I had been thrown into quite a torture pit for a few days and experienced some very brutal hopelessness unlike anything I have felt in a very long time. And it was all too necessary. It has helped me see that everything is going to be okay. Things can't be the way that I want, because they just can't, and the world could implode if they were, and I've learned to accept that. I've accepted what I don't understand because it is, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I can't change anything. I can only try to change myself.
In the end, this may mean nothing. But I'm not just going to give up. I'm making an effort this time to have a different perspective. I'm not gonna be a little bitch anymore. If life is gonna give it to me, I want it. I think I can handle it now.