im getting stressed feeling depressed my friends like me less and less as my life progressed the damaged was assessed and i'm a mess but at least i know it now so i can confess gun get my evil heart out up my chest i'm shore the shore of mind shore will be impressed even if i am the things that they detest i give in to sin when i am pressed when asked for effort i protest any righteousness i have has been suppressed into a hole that formed and then compressed
into a conscience i haven't accessed in years.

i saw splintering wood like stakes,
keeping fingers and thighs pressed together.
i know better,
but i feel worse.
everything i see reminds me of flesh
and the way it sticks to my stomach
when you're pressed close,
when you sweat.
like lifting weights, i saw your muscles stretch.
arteries collapsed into salt
until nothing could be red anymore.
the last thing i felt was fear
the last thing i thought of was the sun.

MONDAY
the day i came home to pupils dilating into endless gaps of ink
where lines like dashes were pink behind my eyelids
when your beard began to grow,
because we are men--
no longer boys but
adults.