A Letter From Jeremy Pritchard

I found this in a drawer when I was cleaning out my room, written for me by an old friend.

Not so long ago, in a galaxy not so far away, lived a BEAUTIFUL princess! as tender and sweet as she was stunning.
She was overcome with grief and sadness! Not even the love of her (very SEXAY) Jedi master could help her see just how essential she was to the balance of the force.
But with time she, too, came to see how much she had to offer the rebellion. She opened her heart and her mind! From that day on, the dark side didn't stand a chance.


Aw.

Darth Vader

My body continues to fail me. I have be come increasingly distraught by the ever-present knowledge of my own mortality.
This is why I'm having my minions design a full suit of black body armor, with a matching cape and helmet.
Now I will be indestructible until further notice.

What I assumed to be menstrual cramps was actually liver failure. Let's hope I live to see the new year.

It's eighty one degrees. Merry Christmas!

Letters to Anakin

Dear Anakin,
I know I said I was going to stop writing letters to you, but now that I started my blog up again, I feel like maybe we can start a new relationship. And it's not like I haven't been writing you the occasional letter since I was eight years old, but I think this is when we're going to get to the good stuff.
I was going over Return of the Jedi in my mind again, and I realized my favorite part is actually the part where you're practically killing your son. It's the final battle, I'm sure you remember, and it was really cool because you're electrifying him. Personally, Luke was a lot different in that movie, and so ready to die for what he believed in, which was awesome. But then again, so were you. Which was not awesome. You had so many opportunities to become good again, man, but I know how it is with the power and everything. It really is blinding. Speaking of blinding, back to my point. The coolest part is the lame lighting rods coursing through his body, because his teeth turn purple with electricity.
Really awesome.
And yeah, that's about it. That was my favorite part.
But it reminded me of the fact that you really didn't seem to have a lot of sympathy, let alone empathy, towards your son. I could tell that you thought he was weak for not following you in your path. Really, I hope you learned your lesson about weakness that day. Obviously, because you died. But what I'm saying is, it takes real courage to choose the road Luke chose, the road you had been on all along. I know all the shit I talked about him before, but I take back everything I've said about Luke, because really, he is one of the greatest most lion-hearted characters in existence because he gave up everything and risked all he had left to serve justice and righteousness. And I don't care what anyone says, I can see it in your eyes, and I know you know what is right in your heart of hearts. You took the easy way out, because it is so much easier to be evil. It takes strength to put your heart on the line and fight for what you know is right.
But that's all I have to say to you right now, because I'm still a little pissed.