but if you wanted to, i would.
even if we're not together, and never ever will be. but i would love to be with you physically because i can't have you any other way.
and i think it would be nice.
and yeah, it's definitely slutty.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Life in the Ocean
I feel like it's been awhile since I actually posted a blog, but then I think I posted one yesterday, so I am disillusioned.
Either way, whatever I want to say cannot be said. Unbeknownst to me, everything I do has ulterior motives, most of which are selfish and unattractive.
Also, every time I try to make plans and set life goals, I have to stop because it's like, really, who am I kidding? I'm not going to do ANY of that. And it seems I'm not the only one who feels like they have a lack of direction in life, because I'm hearing it more and more. Maybe it's the early twenties. Maybe it's the early millennium. Regardless, passion is nonexistent in the hearts of myself and my peers. That's the problem, really, because how can we ever do anything when what we lack is the general desire to change things? Sure, I want things to change, but I'm not passionate enough about anything, and my life is too comfortable as it is.
We have to step outside our comfort zones and think outside of the box and etc. Easier said than done.
OH. AND BY THE WAY
If anyone thinks I know what I'm talking about when it comes to God and things of a holy nature, I don't. My mouth is one of the most evil orifices of all time and has no place speaking of such things. When I do, it is only in hopes that I will actually listen to myself and stop being so selfish, but it never really works out that way. And as much as I'd like to think I'm Christian, it's becoming more and more obvious that the only faith I prescribe to is the Church of Anna Hobbs.
Because, really, what else do I care about?
Either way, whatever I want to say cannot be said. Unbeknownst to me, everything I do has ulterior motives, most of which are selfish and unattractive.
Also, every time I try to make plans and set life goals, I have to stop because it's like, really, who am I kidding? I'm not going to do ANY of that. And it seems I'm not the only one who feels like they have a lack of direction in life, because I'm hearing it more and more. Maybe it's the early twenties. Maybe it's the early millennium. Regardless, passion is nonexistent in the hearts of myself and my peers. That's the problem, really, because how can we ever do anything when what we lack is the general desire to change things? Sure, I want things to change, but I'm not passionate enough about anything, and my life is too comfortable as it is.
We have to step outside our comfort zones and think outside of the box and etc. Easier said than done.
OH. AND BY THE WAY
If anyone thinks I know what I'm talking about when it comes to God and things of a holy nature, I don't. My mouth is one of the most evil orifices of all time and has no place speaking of such things. When I do, it is only in hopes that I will actually listen to myself and stop being so selfish, but it never really works out that way. And as much as I'd like to think I'm Christian, it's becoming more and more obvious that the only faith I prescribe to is the Church of Anna Hobbs.
Because, really, what else do I care about?
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
play again. get lucky.
so i've been hanging out down by the train's depot
no, i don't ride
i just sit and watch the people there.
they remind me of wind up cars in motion,
the way they spin and turn and jockey for positions.
and want to scream out that it all is nonsense.
that their life's one track, and can't they see it's pointless?
but then my knees give under me
my head feels weak and suddenly
it's clear to see
it's not them, but me
who's lost my self-identity.
as i hide behind these books i read
while scribbling my poetry
like art could save a wretch like me
with some ideal ideology
that no one could hope to achieve
and i'm never real
it's just a sketch of me
and everything i've made is trite
and cheap
and a waste
of paint
of tape
of time.
so i park my car down by the cathedral
where the floodlights point up at the steeples
choir practice is filling up with people
i hear the sound escaping as an echo
sloping off the ceiling at an angle
when the voices blend they sound like angels
i hope there's some room still in the middle
but when i lift my voice up now to reach them
the range is too high way up in heaven
so i hold my tongue
forget the song
tie my shoes
start walking off
and try to just keep moving on
with my broken heart
and my absent God
and i have no faith
but it's all i want
to be loved
and believe
in my soul
in my soul.
no, i don't ride
i just sit and watch the people there.
they remind me of wind up cars in motion,
the way they spin and turn and jockey for positions.
and want to scream out that it all is nonsense.
that their life's one track, and can't they see it's pointless?
but then my knees give under me
my head feels weak and suddenly
it's clear to see
it's not them, but me
who's lost my self-identity.
as i hide behind these books i read
while scribbling my poetry
like art could save a wretch like me
with some ideal ideology
that no one could hope to achieve
and i'm never real
it's just a sketch of me
and everything i've made is trite
and cheap
and a waste
of paint
of tape
of time.
so i park my car down by the cathedral
where the floodlights point up at the steeples
choir practice is filling up with people
i hear the sound escaping as an echo
sloping off the ceiling at an angle
when the voices blend they sound like angels
i hope there's some room still in the middle
but when i lift my voice up now to reach them
the range is too high way up in heaven
so i hold my tongue
forget the song
tie my shoes
start walking off
and try to just keep moving on
with my broken heart
and my absent God
and i have no faith
but it's all i want
to be loved
and believe
in my soul
in my soul.
Friday, December 26, 2008
HEY HEY HEY
Christmas was one of the better days of my life. I really enjoyed being with family, and, later, with friends. I also am super down with my new harmonica. Although I'm sure it's going to destroy what's left of any company I might keep.
In other news, I really hate having dreams with a general theme of love. It doesn't matter who it's about (and usually it's about someone I really have no feelings for) but it's always kind of bittersweet. Because honestly, all of my relationships are just sad, and I think I regret almost all of them.
Except one.
In other news, I really hate having dreams with a general theme of love. It doesn't matter who it's about (and usually it's about someone I really have no feelings for) but it's always kind of bittersweet. Because honestly, all of my relationships are just sad, and I think I regret almost all of them.
Except one.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Darth Vader
My body continues to fail me. I have be come increasingly distraught by the ever-present knowledge of my own mortality.
This is why I'm having my minions design a full suit of black body armor, with a matching cape and helmet.
Now I will be indestructible until further notice.
What I assumed to be menstrual cramps was actually liver failure. Let's hope I live to see the new year.
It's eighty one degrees. Merry Christmas!
This is why I'm having my minions design a full suit of black body armor, with a matching cape and helmet.
Now I will be indestructible until further notice.
What I assumed to be menstrual cramps was actually liver failure. Let's hope I live to see the new year.
It's eighty one degrees. Merry Christmas!
I'm joining a cult
At the end of 2011, we all kill ourselves.
But it's worth it because the couple of years before that are spent throwing coins off of the Empire State Building, which I've always wanted to do, and I get a new pair of Pumas every three months.
I have to recruit ten people by then, though, or else I don't get to commit suicide, so who's coming with me?
But it's worth it because the couple of years before that are spent throwing coins off of the Empire State Building, which I've always wanted to do, and I get a new pair of Pumas every three months.
I have to recruit ten people by then, though, or else I don't get to commit suicide, so who's coming with me?
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I've said it before, and I'll say it again
Nobody cares.
Especially about me and my mouth.
I'm just a joke. Somebody should be laughing by now.
In actuality, I don't even exist. I am one of those glitches that somehow wound up in the third dimension that obviously doesn't belong, but no one takes much notice to.
Yeah, I am that sore thumb.
I should try a little harder.
It happens every time.
I should aim a little higher.
It kills me every time.
My whole body folds on impact. I can't hold my own weight. My lungs collapse on impact. I can't hold my own breath.
And I live underwater
because it's the closest place to death.
i'll give up a thousand times
and i'll give up again.
I was wrong for acting smart, because actually, I know I'm not.
and i know you want the truth
i don't give a shit about you.
and you know i want the truth
i am far worse off than you.
and i'm just a joke
you should be laughing by now
AND I'M JUST A JOKE
i should be laughing right now.
the only thing keeping me alive
is my hate
and i am angry all of the time.
i don't deserve anything
not a single thing.
Especially about me and my mouth.
I'm just a joke. Somebody should be laughing by now.
In actuality, I don't even exist. I am one of those glitches that somehow wound up in the third dimension that obviously doesn't belong, but no one takes much notice to.
Yeah, I am that sore thumb.
I should try a little harder.
It happens every time.
I should aim a little higher.
It kills me every time.
My whole body folds on impact. I can't hold my own weight. My lungs collapse on impact. I can't hold my own breath.
And I live underwater
because it's the closest place to death.
i'll give up a thousand times
and i'll give up again.
I was wrong for acting smart, because actually, I know I'm not.
and i know you want the truth
i don't give a shit about you.
and you know i want the truth
i am far worse off than you.
and i'm just a joke
you should be laughing by now
AND I'M JUST A JOKE
i should be laughing right now.
the only thing keeping me alive
is my hate
and i am angry all of the time.
i don't deserve anything
not a single thing.
I'm Sorry
If I've hurt anyone's feelings in this blog.
Don't take what I say seriously, because I'm obviously full of shit. My life isn't where I want it to be, and that REALLY pisses me off. And I'm hardly perfect, so take all of my complaints with a grain of salt.
This especially goes out to Harlan, Waylon, and Joe. I like you better than a lot of friends I had in Cupertino.
<3
Don't take what I say seriously, because I'm obviously full of shit. My life isn't where I want it to be, and that REALLY pisses me off. And I'm hardly perfect, so take all of my complaints with a grain of salt.
This especially goes out to Harlan, Waylon, and Joe. I like you better than a lot of friends I had in Cupertino.
<3
Monday, December 22, 2008
if you are an atheist
It is more than a little hilarious that you celebrate Christmas.
Stick to your guns, people. If you don't believe in Jesus, you really shouldn't be participating. If you're not Jewish, would you celebrate Hanukkah? REAL atheists want no part of this sycophantic holiday.
It is NOT an American tradition. We are not the only country who celebrates Christmas. It's a straight up Christian tradition. If you are so convicted by your atheism, don't you think you could live without the presents? So if you don't believe in Jesus, let alone God, and you still give and receive gifts in the name of Christmas, you are a big fat hypocrite.
But then
who ISN'T a hypocrite?
Stick to your guns, people. If you don't believe in Jesus, you really shouldn't be participating. If you're not Jewish, would you celebrate Hanukkah? REAL atheists want no part of this sycophantic holiday.
It is NOT an American tradition. We are not the only country who celebrates Christmas. It's a straight up Christian tradition. If you are so convicted by your atheism, don't you think you could live without the presents? So if you don't believe in Jesus, let alone God, and you still give and receive gifts in the name of Christmas, you are a big fat hypocrite.
But then
who ISN'T a hypocrite?
Sunday, December 21, 2008
EXECUTIVE CHEF
I'M WATCHING TV AND THERE IS THIS EXECUTIVE CHEF
NAMED ROY SALAZAR
Um, I think we've found the heir of Slytherin, everybody.
NAMED ROY SALAZAR
Um, I think we've found the heir of Slytherin, everybody.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Nutcracker
Just got back from seeing the Nutcracker at the Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater.
It was THE shit.
It was the Moscow Classical Ballet and the Florida Orchestra.
I love all music and dance. I'm very grateful to have been able to see it again (this will have been my third time).
And it was nice being in a setting that isn't all overalls and weed smoke. Every time I am somewhere other than Spring Hill, I come back with a much greater appreciation for the culture in the outside world. I wish I never had to return.
It was THE shit.
It was the Moscow Classical Ballet and the Florida Orchestra.
I love all music and dance. I'm very grateful to have been able to see it again (this will have been my third time).
And it was nice being in a setting that isn't all overalls and weed smoke. Every time I am somewhere other than Spring Hill, I come back with a much greater appreciation for the culture in the outside world. I wish I never had to return.
the problem
The problem with these people is that they have not moved on from high school. They still socialize and react to each other as high school students would, and therefore, should be treated as such.
I have never met so many twenty something year olds who care SO MUCH about what their peers think of them.
We all must get a grip and go to college.
I have never met so many twenty something year olds who care SO MUCH about what their peers think of them.
We all must get a grip and go to college.
Friday, December 19, 2008
movie pitch #2 cnt'd
The Hayward Police Department was thrilled by the anonymous tip. Finally, they might be able to put an end to all of the missing children reports, and, of course, solve the mystery of the Baby Killer, as the local newspaper, The Argus, had dubbed the serial killer responsible for these heinous crimes. The only problem with the daughter remaining anonymous was they couldn't get a search warrant without her name. The daughter had to make a choice. Where did her loyalties lie--with sweet, sweet justice, or her serial killer of a mother?
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The Jews are Alive With the Sound of Music
Last night, or should I say early this morning, I was trying to make a decision between the CSPAN channels. Normally, I like to stick with the original, but I've discovered that CSPAN2 really has the hidden gems. As I'm sure you've guessed, last night/this morning was no exception.
THIS is what I found:
1) the longest, never-ending Hanukkah song.
2) extremely horrible singers
3) attempted beat boxing
4) way too theatrical Jewish boys.
5) a bored out of his skull president.
6) a Jewish attempt to form a Baptist choir.
It was rather shocking to me, because I discovered that Jews really have no place in the field of, uh...vocal arts. Assuming Barbara Streisand is not a Jew, but then I remember Yentil, and she definitely IS Jewish.
Either way, it sucks for me because I always tend to LOVE Jewish boys. It is just some THING that I have, and I loved these kids and their yamakas. But then they're opening their mouths and singing and attempting to have some sort of rhythm. And really, it was just so hilarious. SO hilarious.
So, for your entertainment, I procured the following video of the Hanukkah Reception held by Mr. and Mrs. President at the White House on Monday, December 15.
Please just fast forward to the choir, no point hearing Bushie speak about Judaism (just head straight to 10:48 because this is the song in which the hilarity ensues). Just keep an eye out for their disturbing facial expressions and the "beat boxer" in the bottom left corner.
Shittiest singers EVER. It's just the worst thing I've seen. And I swear I hear them saying "Christ is the Lord" but really, this song is just so similar to all the shitty church songs out there. I wish they just stuck to their roots. This is why Jews don't ever become Baptists. Not to mention it's the longest Hanukkah song in the entire world.
THIS is what I found:
1) the longest, never-ending Hanukkah song.
2) extremely horrible singers
3) attempted beat boxing
4) way too theatrical Jewish boys.
5) a bored out of his skull president.
6) a Jewish attempt to form a Baptist choir.
It was rather shocking to me, because I discovered that Jews really have no place in the field of, uh...vocal arts. Assuming Barbara Streisand is not a Jew, but then I remember Yentil, and she definitely IS Jewish.
Either way, it sucks for me because I always tend to LOVE Jewish boys. It is just some THING that I have, and I loved these kids and their yamakas. But then they're opening their mouths and singing and attempting to have some sort of rhythm. And really, it was just so hilarious. SO hilarious.
So, for your entertainment, I procured the following video of the Hanukkah Reception held by Mr. and Mrs. President at the White House on Monday, December 15.
Please just fast forward to the choir, no point hearing Bushie speak about Judaism (just head straight to 10:48 because this is the song in which the hilarity ensues). Just keep an eye out for their disturbing facial expressions and the "beat boxer" in the bottom left corner.
Shittiest singers EVER. It's just the worst thing I've seen. And I swear I hear them saying "Christ is the Lord" but really, this song is just so similar to all the shitty church songs out there. I wish they just stuck to their roots. This is why Jews don't ever become Baptists. Not to mention it's the longest Hanukkah song in the entire world.
movie pitch #2
So it turns out her mother's cat graveyard is really a dead baby graveyard. She hauled out all the corpses when the investigation for the missing Hogue children commenced. Her daughter saw the attempted relocation of baby bodies and called the sheriff's office anonymously.
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