it's been a long week

my brain doesn't feel like an organ anymore but like a mass of tissue taking up space in my head. i'm happy to have tomorrow off.

some things...
1) people will usually do things you expect them to do, but turns out, not really. people come out the cuts with some shit that is either too normal or too crazy to be considered as anything someone would USUALLY do. lesson? don't expect anything from anyone because often times, they'll do the exact opposite.
2) acoustic guitar playing. it's time for me to move on up.
3) the ohlone college newspaper (the moniter) is the worst.
4) also, it's a big world out there. if you can't go anywhere, at least allow someone to teach you about it.

it's horrible how much we all compare ourselves to others, and i can't help but feel like i will never be good enough for anybody with all the other, more beautiful and less bitchy options that they have.

self-loathinggggg

oh and if anyone was curious

the person checking all the "lame" boxes is my ex boyfriend. because there's no way my blogs could ACTUALLY be considered lame by someone who DOESN'T hate me.

i love facebook statuses that say things like, " i just want to end it all."
keep `em coming!

i deserve a different point of view.
i deserve to never have to think about you.
i reserve the right to live a lie.
i deserve to get a chance to make you cry.

things that feel real usually aren't
the things i second guess are the things i should believe in.

i like to do things the hard way, and i notice the less people i have in my life, the happier i am.

soo...

are marriage proposals how guys spit game now? so unconventional, but just as unfortunate.
for future reference: if all you're trying to do is fuck me, it's completely unneccessary to pull out the big guns, such as "love" or "marriage", or even "i really like you". save it, for reals. i'd rather be a whore than waste precious time that i'll never get back thinking that someone might actually be down with "me" as a "person".
so, how stupid am i? if i have to ask, i'll never know.

quote of the night

"You know what's good to do with a soccer ball? Kick it around on the beach."

You know that

and I know this.

You would be just as bad as me if people were following through. I'm stupid for thinking that this is someone you aren't, because it's someone you've always been and have hid from me.
Having a dick means you are going to be scummy, no matter how many acoustic guitar songs you write. You all just want that ass, and you don't care how it makes you sound.
Over it, and over thinking you were this awesome catch I'm missing out out now. You're just like everyone else, and I think I can move on now.

This is a monumental Christmas

because it's the first time I can't wait for it to be over.
I don't have a tree or decorations this year. I've just been busy, stressed out, and sick. And also extremely over the whole holiday in general. I don't get it.

being in love

it only sucks when YOU suck

it's about how you've handled yourself, and how it isn't working anymore

the little mermaid

Okay, so I'm really upset right now because I lost my voice. I can't hit half of the notes I used to be able to hit before I got bronchitis Halloween weekend. I never completely recovered, got sick again, and still haven't recovered from that. And now when I go to do something that was always easy and natural, I just physically can't. There is nothing more frustrating than this. It's like I have to retrain my voice all over again.
I know this is a lame post, but it's actually really upsetting. I thought that it would go away, but it's been two months now since I've been able to sing normally, and I'm starting to get depressed.

THIS BLOG

is all about ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A PLUS BITCHESSSSS!!!

So turns out if you don't study for anything until the day before and miss every other class, you can still get an A. I'm sorry, but I'm a freaking genius, people.

I have to say that I'm just glad I caught myself before I proved anyone right. I am never here to confirm, I want only to disprove.
Everything.

woah

writing that paper really sucked.

i used to think i was competitive

But competition ain't my thing, and I don't like to fight for the guys I want.

now you flip the script, playa pleasth.

an anti-consumerism, jesus-freak christmas

word up!

I AM

GETTING AN A IN ART HISTORY.
BITCHES.

ON TO SPANISH!

if you are a dumb crazy bitch who can't take a hint, maybe you should get a grip, stop doing drugs, and stop blaming everyone and everything but yourself for being a lazy unmotivated piece of shit. if you dropped the psycho, glenn close bullshit, people might not regret hooking up with you so much and might actually consider you someone worth being with.

ps: getting fucked up and forcing yourself upon someone doesn't make you guys an "item", it makes you desperate, pushy, and pathetic.

im probably going to fail

my art history final.

im sorry, but this is way too much shit for one person to study for one fucking test.
i mean, seriously, kenney.

in other news

last night was a lot of fun, and i should go to punk/metal shows more often, especially if there are going to be more girl frontmen of death metal bands.
whaaat??

officially over it

and anyone who makes me have to question myself. you probably suck.

I also love being blessed with the clarity to see that the people I thought were cool actually aren't that cool, and it's good to know this now.

OFFICIALLY

STUDYING!!!

Normally, I would never use the phrase "pray for me", but seriously guys. my study skills are so sub par that acing these finals would be completely out of my hands. i need a MARACUHL!!!

im getting stressed feeling depressed my friends like me less and less as my life progressed the damaged was assessed and i'm a mess but at least i know it now so i can confess gun get my evil heart out up my chest i'm shore the shore of mind shore will be impressed even if i am the things that they detest i give in to sin when i am pressed when asked for effort i protest any righteousness i have has been suppressed into a hole that formed and then compressed
into a conscience i haven't accessed in years.

CURSE THIS BLOG

Sometimes I think this blog is what makes people start to hate me.

pussy

boy, do i feel like a dummy.

having a vagina is a curse. end of story amen.

KAREN

IS THE SHIT.
She cleaned my bedroom completely, and my bathroom.
Who does that? Freaks of nature do that.
I love my freaky roommates.

Thank god for my Art History classmates

or I might actually have to deal with the consequences of my actions. And who actually does that these days?
Squares, that's who, and you're talking to a circle who NEVER accepts punishment or "life lessons". Especially involving my (completely free) education.
Besides, I got my buds to bail me out.